Friday, September 30, 2005

See where this goes...

I am sure a lot of you will be able to relate to this. Yesterday, I was sitting around watching TV and found myself wondering who in the world has the largest collection of "Do Not Disturb" Signs. How could I find out this information? So I logically grabbed my bible and began looking in there for the answer. Not in there. I grabbed "Don't sweat the small stuff". Not in there. I then grabbed the greatest book of all time.....The Guiness Book of World Records!!! This book is priceless. If we ever find out that a meteor is heading towards earth and will destory us all, lets make sure to stick this priceless masterpiece in a time capsule in between a package of starburst (tropical flavors) and a picture of George W. Bush.

When they dig up this time capsule, what will they learn about our time period on earth? How we spent our time making sure all the basic needs of everyone on earth were met. Or that Jean Francois Vernetti has collected 2,915 "Do Not Disturb" signs from over 131 different countries.

Will they read about how we set records in pooling our resources so 25% of the population are not consuming 75% of the worlds resources? No. They will learn which chimpanzee received the most votes in a political election. It happened to be in the 1988 mayoral election in Rio de Janerio, Brazil. The chimpanzee came in third place of twelve canidates and received just over 400,000 votes.

Will they learn about our vast efforts to stop the AIDS epidimic from destorying an entire continent or that in Amman, Jordan they decided to build the worlds largest box of facial tissues. 8 x 4 x 2 ft and as a special surprise, actually contained giant sized tissues. In case a fucking giant ever needed to blow his motherfucking nose.

And by the way, please god tell who holds the record titled "Fastest Sheep to Sweater". Please oh almighty God and Jesus divulge to me the fastest time a sheep's fleece has ever been made into a sweater. Whats that lord...1 hr and 55 minutes? Thanks God. I mean Guiness book of world not wasting its motherfucking energy and time.

I write this understanding that I attempt to teach that which I have to learn. I am trying to make myself take what I consider to be the highest priorities on this planet as seriously as I can. When will we stop having eating competitions and feed everyone? When will we stop trying to build the largest building and make sure everyone has shelter from the elements? When will we stop getting fat, sucking it out, making our tits huge and instead make sure everyone has basic medical care?

When will we not give a fuck that Birgit Ulrich is the Fastest Wife Carrying Champion (771 ft in 55.5 seconds). He won liters of beer quivilant to his wives weight.

I am not doing my part in all this. I will try.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

SkyDive Pictures

Monday, September 26, 2005

Money Talks and Bullshit Skydives

Team Bullshit (Kyle, Brad, Steve, Matt)

Team bullshit has succesfully completed another adventure. The weather looked bad but we made our way to Greensburg Indiana anyway. We arrived at about 12:30 greensburg time. As soon as we pulled up I had to immediately use the port o pot in anticipation of the jump. A man came up and said "Are you all here to jump?" We of course said yes. and he says "Well hurry, up, we don't have much time". It is good to know that we are going to jump out of a plane in a hurry. The weather was not looking good. We watched an instructional video about skydiving and initialed 37 paragraphs about whose fault it was not if we died. We then stepped out into the hanger and got our harnesses on. My harness was put on by an older man. I was happy about this because I figured that the older the man, the more skydiving experience. After two of us had our harnesses on, the older man started pairing us up with tandem jumpers. My tandem partner ask me who put my harness on. I told him "the old man" and he said "Well then we need to re-do everything, that guy is just the owner."

"I already told you! I am not jumping in this weather!" This was the response from the first guy the older man asked to go up with us. Very encouraging! Since this guy would not jump, they only had three people who were willing to go tandem with us. Since there were four of us, it meant we had to go in two different shifts. In skydiving, this is called a "hot load". Your tandem partner is responsible for explaing to you all the aspects of jumping and landing. My tandem partner was in the air with my buddy steve. When he landed the first time, a golf cart was waiting for him on the field. He drove over to me and said "come on lets go get in the plane." He says this as he is strapping on his next chute. I say "You are aware that I haven't had any insturction yet?" He says "We will talk about it on the way up."

(Kyle being led in prayer by his tandem partner)

Have a look at this guy close up and tell me if you would do anything let alone skydive with him.

On the way up he gives me a five minute lesson on skydiving. Here is my situation now. I am at the maximum weight limit. I am jumping in weather conditions that have grounded one of the jumpers that works at this place. I am receiving my instructions on jumping in the plane on the way up. But, I am loving every minute of it. I figure that if I am willing to jump out of a plane, I am willing to do it under questionable circumstances.

At about 8,000 feet my tandem partner turns to the other tandem guy and says "do you care if I open the door now?" Keep in mind that I am not hooked to this guy yet, and I do not have a parachute on. I am at 8,000 in the air and 8 ft from and open fucking airplane door. He then says "Alright, stand up and come over here". At this point I realize this is all really happening. The guy hooks me to himself and asks "Do you care if we do a backflip out of the door?" With everything else that was going on I didn't see how we could not do a backflip out of the door, so I said "SURE!". At this point we procede to the plane door. I am hanging off of this guy dangling in the air looking at some corn field 8,000 feet down. The other tandem guy asked my friend if I was going to be ok. I think I went a little pale.

We Jump. Holy Shit! Unexplainable to anyone unless you have done it. I almost threw up. I am rushing at 120 mph straight for the ground. I feel like I am being shot with an automatic BB gun because of the rain. The free fall was overall pretty violent. Mostly because of the rain. You free fall for about 45 seconds and the chute is pulled. It is not a very violent pull as I thought it would be. The rest of the jump is pretty graceful. You are hanging from a rope 2,000 feet in the air. It was nice. Overall, it was a great experience and I will do it again. I really want to do it on a nice day when it is not raining. I recommend it to anyone.

Team bullshit would like to extend a personal thanks to Dee for taking some really impressive pictures. You are welcome to be a bullshit photographer on any adventure.

I will put the rest of the pictures on here in the next couple days. Peace.

Friday, September 23, 2005


It is important that anyone that read this not alert my mother or father. I would repeat this but you can just read that first line again. I am going Skydiving on Sunday. In case I die I want to let everyone know that I love them. I love you all with all of my heart. When I think about how much I love all of you my heart fills with love and joy and more love. I have told my parents that I am going camping so they will not be worried. As everyone knows I have bad feet and the skydive landing could maybe cripple me for life. I hope all of you will still be my friends when I am crippled. I will write a blog on monday with pictures of the event. Team bullshit is skydiving!! I mean camping.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


I am sorry that I have not posted any posts lately. My work has moved buildings and a turmoil has ensued. I could use comments of encouragement. I suggest you all check out Mindsquirt in my absence. I will me back with the nonsense in a short time.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Mc. Donalds

This morning I stopped by Mc Donalds and bouht breakfast for people at work. This consisted of 8 Bacon Egg and chesse sandwiches. My order was not ready in the 30 seconds it took for me to get from the drive thru speaker to the window, so they asked me to pull up and wait. About a minute later this lady brought me out my food and said, "Sorry about your wait". I could not believe that she was apologizing to me when I had to wait literally one minute. I assume that she has learned to apologize because assholes have complained about the one minute wait time. I have come up for a solution for all you fat lazy fat asses that cannot wait one minute for 8 bacon egg and cheese sandwiches. As soon as you pull up t the window your food will be fired down your fat mouth using a potato gun that the drive through employee had to take special classes to learn how to operate. This way the food can be launched down your throat and deposit itself directly onto your fat ass.
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