Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Energy Crisis

I just watched a documentary on the History channel about the impending oil crisis on our planet. I am decided. There is not much I can do to make a difference, so, I shall do what I always do. I will Cover up my depression over the issue with humor and ignore the disastrous results.

I have been thinking a lot about solutions to the energy crisis and have outlined below my four point plan to save our world. I will submit this plan to Barack O Bama for consideration.

Idea #1 - Harness the power of Asteroids.

Every year tons of debris burn up in our atmosphere. If you ask me, that is a ton of wasted energy. While NASA is too busy playing with their remote control cars on Mars, our country is going to shit. They should be focusing on harnessing the power of burned Meteors. With all the wireless technology nowadays, I am sure Bluetooth could develop a way to wirelessly transmit the energy to us. This would avoid a Tower of Babel type situation where we all end up speaking different languages, AGAIN. Get it together people. Call your congressman.

Idea #2 - There are sure a lot of fat people around here.

When I see all these fat bellies jingling around, all I can think of is the amount of TV that could be powered by the burning of that fat. I say we force fat people to run on non electrical treadmills for at least an hour per day. We then harness the energy created from this to save our known world. I have crunched the numbers and if a 400lb fat woman runs for an hour per day, we could cut our oil consumption by .001% over the next three years. Wouldn't it be ironic if the fat people ended up saving the world. They would all be heroes. On the cover of all the magazines. Until they were skinny of course.

Idea #3 - Immigration + Gravity = Energy Independence.

We force the Mexicans to walk a tremendous upward sloped ramp to enter our country. I am talking miles high. They have to roll a pyramid sized block to the top of the ramp. If they make it to the top of the ramp, they are forced to used a serious of ropes and ladders to climb down into our country. Once at the top of the ramp, they push the block off the edge. The energy gathered from the block falling to earth is harnessed to replace oil consumption. Brilliant.

Idea #4 - Combination

This is simply a combination of the three ideas. It involves (this will be on big run on sentence) fat Mexicans walking up a non electric tread mill type ramp and when at the top riding meteorites back to the surface of the earth. If you were to give me the "gun to the head" test on which idea was the best, I would go with this one.

God Bless America

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Dreamy Cigs

First things first:

Days without smoking = 15.5

Money Saved = $58.13

Tar coughed up = yuck

Me given out "I told ya so's" = >10

I did manage to get sick right after the new year. I have never really gotten over it. It comes and goes. I just keep telling myself that the sickness would be a lot worse if I smoked. Getting sick all the time was one of the main reasons I quit. It really sucks that I have been sick since the day I quit. I shall not smoke again.

My Dream:

Dreams have been fascinating me lately. I have been doing some experimentation with Lucid dreaming. This blog will not be about that though. Frankly, you couldn't handle it. So here's the dream.

Every person I run into keeps telling me that I need to rent a specific movie. I can't remember the name of the movie, but it wasn't anything I had heard of before. I finally give in and decide to rent the movie. I walk into the video store and go straight to the counter and ask for the movie. The employee looks at me and says "Are you serious?" I say yes. He then walks to the back. He comes back up to the counter with his hand behind his back. He quickly produces a squirt gun and shoots me dead in the face with water. Everyone in this little video store starts laughing. See, it is one big inside joke. Some people know about it and some don't. You ask for this movie title and you get shot in the face.

Now, normally I would think something like this would be awesome. But here is the thing, IT IS MY FUCKING DREAM!! How can there be anything going on that I don't already know about? I was tricked. There was an idea "out there" in the dreamworld that existed before I even found out about it. I didn't find out about it until I was squirted in the face. I have had several other situations that lead me down the same path.

Here are a couple explanations:

A) I just happened to get squirted with water and then created the idea of the practical joke.

B) Your outside world experience, which seems to have things outside of our complete knowledge and control, is actually being created by us just like our dreams are.

C) The dreamworld is not a place that is completely in your head. It is a seperate place that you go where things exist independantly of your thoughts.

D) Drugs are bad.

Either way. Dreams are one of the coolest things that happen to us. I cannot believe that there is not much more research on dreaming than there is. I went to the bookstore recently and every single dream book was about how if you dream about a butterfly you will shit yellow poop the next day. Hogwash. If some of you do not remember your dreams, let me know. I will give you some tips on it. I am now to the point where I can remember at least 1 dream every single night. I can also remember a lot more details about my dreams. I used to think that dreams were very vague. They are not. We just do not remember the details. Unless you practice.

Take care.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008


Lets talk a little bit about the election that is to come. I am going to focus on Barack because he is obviously the canidate of interest right now. That title has nothing to do with his performance or my support. I just wanted to prove my cleverness once again. Lord knows if I was to officially endorse any canidate it would be done live on the Daily Show.

I was going to go on a side tangent about how Ron Paul did not do anything his supporters thought he was going to do. But I will leave it alone. It is not polite to talk about the deceased.

I kid...I kid. I know nothing of his Politics.

I believe Mr. Paul and Mr. Kucinich are going to start touring. Performing as a two man, odd couple type show. At one point I think they do an entire dance with Dennis on Ron's shoulders. It is breathtaking. The show is called R & D on D & R.

On to Barack. I am in the process of reading his book. So I am seriously trying to figure out where I stand. I was listening to him on NPR this morning and I think I put my finger on my problem with him. No concrete ideas. The thing with Obama is that he doesn't deny that he doesn't have any concrete ideas/policies. He simply says that it is more important to get people focused in the right direction than to have a clear idea the best way to make that direction work. Here is a segment from the interview.

NPR : I Assume you will still be talking about change?

Obama : Well, Change, but in very specific terms. I think that one of the points I have been trying to make over the last several weeks is that, when I talk about change, It is not some gauzy pie in the sky change. I am talking about making sure we have a Healthcare system where every American can get Healthcare that is as good as the healthcare I have as a member of congress.....

NPR : Although, that is something...Just to take that specific goal, is something people have been trying for years and have had only incrimental success. Can you name one concrete thing you can do that any of the other canididates would not do, to move things forward?

Ready for some concrete ideas?

Obama : It is going to require the American people...enlisting them in putting pressure on congress for us to make it happen. This is part of the point that I have been trying to make Steve. There are no shortage of plans out there. There are no shortage of policy papers. This is not a technical problem. It is a problem of politics. It is a problem of getting a big enough coalition of people who are organized, inspiried, mobalized, and will then put pressure on those who are elected in combination with a president who is able to lead in order to get it done. There are no magic solutions here. The problems that we face, wether it is climate change or healthcare or making college more affordable or dealing with our foreign policy is less a problem of getting the perfectly calibrated policy. It has to do with, are we able to get people to work in the same direction? And that's what I can do.

When Obama starts out here, he is clearly trying to put down the idea that his idea of change is not some pie in the sky idea. His entire last statement confirms that it indeed is. I can appreciate the CEO who can delegate and inspire the true talent but I think I am going to need some concrete ideas before I can support this man.

It is almost like he is saying that We the people should be putting pressure on elected officials so that they can then make the people put even more pressure on elected officials.

On the other hand:

His speech after the Iowa caucus was pretty damn good. I seriously am concerned about the idea of someone assasinating Obama or Clinton. My worst fear is that people get lined up behind Obama as our saviour and he gets taken out. It will be devestating. It will be like JFK all over again.
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