Friday, September 30, 2005

See where this goes...

I am sure a lot of you will be able to relate to this. Yesterday, I was sitting around watching TV and found myself wondering who in the world has the largest collection of "Do Not Disturb" Signs. How could I find out this information? So I logically grabbed my bible and began looking in there for the answer. Not in there. I grabbed "Don't sweat the small stuff". Not in there. I then grabbed the greatest book of all time.....The Guiness Book of World Records!!! This book is priceless. If we ever find out that a meteor is heading towards earth and will destory us all, lets make sure to stick this priceless masterpiece in a time capsule in between a package of starburst (tropical flavors) and a picture of George W. Bush.

When they dig up this time capsule, what will they learn about our time period on earth? How we spent our time making sure all the basic needs of everyone on earth were met. Or that Jean Francois Vernetti has collected 2,915 "Do Not Disturb" signs from over 131 different countries.

Will they read about how we set records in pooling our resources so 25% of the population are not consuming 75% of the worlds resources? No. They will learn which chimpanzee received the most votes in a political election. It happened to be in the 1988 mayoral election in Rio de Janerio, Brazil. The chimpanzee came in third place of twelve canidates and received just over 400,000 votes.

Will they learn about our vast efforts to stop the AIDS epidimic from destorying an entire continent or that in Amman, Jordan they decided to build the worlds largest box of facial tissues. 8 x 4 x 2 ft and as a special surprise, actually contained giant sized tissues. In case a fucking giant ever needed to blow his motherfucking nose.

And by the way, please god tell who holds the record titled "Fastest Sheep to Sweater". Please oh almighty God and Jesus divulge to me the fastest time a sheep's fleece has ever been made into a sweater. Whats that lord...1 hr and 55 minutes? Thanks God. I mean Guiness book of world not wasting its motherfucking energy and time.

I write this understanding that I attempt to teach that which I have to learn. I am trying to make myself take what I consider to be the highest priorities on this planet as seriously as I can. When will we stop having eating competitions and feed everyone? When will we stop trying to build the largest building and make sure everyone has shelter from the elements? When will we stop getting fat, sucking it out, making our tits huge and instead make sure everyone has basic medical care?

When will we not give a fuck that Birgit Ulrich is the Fastest Wife Carrying Champion (771 ft in 55.5 seconds). He won liters of beer quivilant to his wives weight.

I am not doing my part in all this. I will try.


Blogger Tara said...

I am so damn proud to be your cousin.

1:33 PM  
Anonymous bigD said...

I think your parachute malfunctioned and you landed to hard on your HEAD.

you sound like wilson

3:59 PM  
Blogger Bleach n Sheets said...

Thanks tara, ditto.

Do you mean I sound like the volleyball on castaway?

4:16 PM  
Blogger tschy said...

I think he means the wise man (who recently passed away) from Home Improvement. The Kilroy guy.

9:28 PM  
Blogger tschy said...

It will probably happen the same time that people decide that rather wasting time, money and fuel on jumping out of a perfectly good airplane - and instead spend their Saturday's building a Habitat for Humanity house, after dropping off their weekly tithe at thier church while riding a bicycle everywhere they go. I just couldn't resist that jab.

One of the billions of challenges to your fundamental question is that in order to have to massive amount of resources to address the problems of the world, you must have a thriving economy (ie. the USA). But if you then turn around and remove the incentive to excel (ie. massive taxes) then kill the thriving economy and loose the resources. The answer is the return of morality, the deepening of faith and the realization that man should take care of man.

9:41 PM  
Blogger Bleach n Sheets said...

I think the skydiving point is a good one. That will be in my next blog. And then don't worry Big D, I will get back to talking about guns and whores.

9:21 AM  
Blogger fooiemcgoo said...

Heres a better question: When will the world build us all houses made of toll-house cookies and drive cars powered off of our good will?

(I am going to get it for that kind of comment! )

tee hee!

11:32 AM  
Anonymous Mike said...

The problem with feeding everyone is that the more food you throw at the problem, the more people have babies and then you need more food. It's an interesting problem. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

12:21 PM  
Anonymous corbin said...

i was with you until the comment about NOT making boobs bigger...

1:20 PM  
Anonymous bigD said...

I like boobs as big as volleyballs!

guns too

3:30 PM  
Anonymous corbin said...

i even like boobs that are ridiculously, comically big. if nothing else, for the novelty factor of seeing boobs that big.

on the other hand, i'd never ask a woman to get a boob job, even if she had basically no boobs. i'd just enjoy them the way they are. i'm a humanitarian like that

8:42 AM  
Blogger fooiemcgoo said...

i want you to know that i saw soemone with a skydive! shirt on today whilst on campus. it also said greensburg on it. it was not the bald guy.

4:10 PM  

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