Monday, February 26, 2007

Conversation with my Mom.

ME: "I went and checked out the Louisville Athletic Club (LAC) today during lunch. They have a cardio theater! It is just like a movie theater except there are cardio machines where the chairs would be. I think I will join. The place is SWEET!"

MOM: "I think that for someone your age it is perfectly o.k. to say "SWEET". But, for someone my age it wouldn't sound right."

ME: "People my age don't really even say SWEET anymore."

MOM: "What do they say?"

ME: "Dope"

MOM: "Dope? What do you mean Dope?"

ME: "I would say, The Louisville Athletic Club is dope"

MOM: "Dope like drugs?"

ME: "It is probably derived from that but it has nothing to do with drugs."

MOM: "I don't think I could say sweet or dope."

ME: "I want you to use both SWEET and DOPE tomorrow at work in the correct context and see what happens."

MOM: "HAHAHA. HEHEHE. AHA, AHA." (Someday I will record my moms laugh and let you all get a good listen. I assure you it is a wide array of noises.)

ME: "I am Leaving."

MOM: "Do you want to play bowling on your birthday?"

ME: "Play Bowling? I think you can just say Bowling."


Sometimes I lock my mom in the pantry and imitate her laugh until she sits on the floor of the pantry from laughing too hard.

The End.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

How many look alikes can one man have?

For the past 10 years, every time I meet someone new, the person I meet says they know someone who looks exactly like me.

"You two could be brothers!" They say.

In the past month, this has happened to me three times. I thought I would share these three separate circumstances.

Number 1:

I go to this gas station by my work to by gas and cigarettes. Here is the conversation.

Girl: "I have to ask you, what high school did you go to."

Me: "St. X."

(Girl just shakes her head) Girl: "Nevermind"

Me: "Let me guess, you know someone that looks exactly like me?"

Girl: "Unfortunately"

I would like to hope that the "Unfortunately" stemmed from ill feelings associated with my twin. Not the fact that I look unfortunate. Glass is half full.

Number 2:

Sitting at my cubicle at work minding my own business.

Co-worker (female) : "We just saw someone at the buffet that could have been your twin. This guy had long hair."

Me: "That doesn't surprise me, I get that a lot."

Co-Worker: "Well, let me just say that you would not look good with long hair."

Me: "Thanks. I actually had long hair for a couple years."

Co-Worker: Silence. Walks away.

Number 3:

This actually happened last night while at White Castle. I made my way up to the counter to order my food at about midnight. This red neck white castle chick keeps staring at me.

White Castle : "Hey Martha, you know who I dun thought that wuzz?"

Martha: (While inspecting my head) "No, who...?"

Me: "Can I please order my food?"

White Castle: "Crazy Chris. Don't he look just like Crazy Chris?"

Martha: "Yeah he does."

I feel somewhat ashamed that I have the appearance of someone who the White Castle employees have labeled Crazy Chris.

I have not made any of these stories up. These all have happened recently. I need to do my best to start looking like more upstanding people. Because at this point in my life I look like a long haired, unfortunate, Crazy Chris. Bummer.
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