Why do I live here?

Christmas Poem

I wrote a Chirstmas poem and read it aloud at my work. It may not be that funny to you all because you do not know any of the poeple in the poem. I decided to post it anyway.

Note: none of the names have been changed because I feel that nobody has a right to privacy or to not be offended. Enjoy.

Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the buildin
We were dead as a doornail, Everybody just chillin
When just out of nowhere, a tweet, bell and whistle
Meant 10 new ones were comming, Faxed over by Crystal

10 books, and financials, AOB’s, ABN’s
Only 1 copy each, I said Mike, We need 10
So off to the copier, he went with no words
When you might have guessed it, “A Misfeed has occurred”

Traci and Rupa and Crystal and Ben
Took one order each, But I said there were 10
We need some more help, where’s Chris and where’s Kay?
Oh yeah that’s right, they work 1 hour a day.

Then Buz spoke on up, said “Team, I’ll take six”
Buz, that’s too much, said the rest of us techs
“ you try and stop me”, he said As he turned around
I’ve had 10 pots of Coffee, Using 30 packs of grounds

Those were his last words that horrible night
Theres only so much coffee one can drink in a life
He passed out face first, hit the ground with a smash
Crystal H took his watch, and Kathryn his cash

We needed some music, to get back in the spirit,
And “Oh holy night” just might be the ticket
The song was found quick, among many MP3s
and we almost cried at “Fall on your knees”.

The room was in shambles and about to get worse
Tracy just cried, while Crystal just cursed
Cornell started dancing to cheer up the staff
We needed some help and we needed it fast

So Stephen said he had a direct line to God
He picked up the phone, and dialed with a nod
And barely you could hear, over horrible singing
Brad’s work phone and cell phone both started ringing

Leslie’s online and Cindy is smoking
Leonards at Sams, the copiers broken
the pharmacists gone, these patients in Perril
But wait who is that? Oh Thank the lord, It is Darrel


And Darrell moved quicker than I’ve ever seen
He was an auth getting, Processin machine
Karen tried to help and printed a label
But Darrell Yelled at her, He’s truly unstable

Randy decided to be rude and crass
And yelled at Cornell..Get your head out your ____
The room became quiet, Then way in the back
Sarah said, “I Know a doctor who could help with that.”

Todd was asleep, in the hood safe and sound
And Mcgill Screamed “Wake Up”, but barely made any sound
They compounded quickly, setting all kinds of records
The next logical step was a whole bunch of checkers

Now Bob drank three red bulls, took 5 stacker 3’s
with more power than ever, he yells, “Checker Please!”
Julie said something about this not being compliant
And we said its Chirstmas, so Julie, Be quiet

The orders were checked, to the warehouse were sent
And into the vans, like the wind, drivers went
On David, On Gary, On Chad and Bob Smith N
On Jim and on Dennis, And anyone else on a pension

Only one order left, nomore drivers around
Then out of nowhere, came a glorious sound
The sound of sleighbells, coming down from the sky
Santa landed out back, what a hell of a guy

Then out of nowhere came a thunderous BOOM
That’s when Matt Poe walked in the room
Now That was the worst sound I ever did hear
Matt smiled real big said “Got me a deer”

Santa starts crying, but our patient’s relying
The patient is doomed, I swear I’m not lying
Who or what will save this chirstmas eve
When Randy says “Brad, you gotta believe”

then Someone walked in, is that the Grinch?
I just can’t believe it, please give me a pinch
The best warehouse sup in all of the land
Dan the man Dan oh Dan dan aran


Caneyville, Horse Cave, Vine grove and Shively
Can’t keep this man from being so lively
He dashes and prances and runs with the best
His soles start to smoke, he’s leaving the nest

He grabs the delivery with lightning speed
He needs no directions, No gas card, no keys
We say sorry Dan this wasn’t our plan
He says, Merry Christmas to all and I understand.