Tuesday, August 09, 2005

No Title or Create your own title (What Fun my blog is!)

I have received requests from some that I blog a blog everyday. Let me start off by saying fuck you. Honestly folks, I do not have that much to say. I also do not have internet access at home. The fact that I even maintain a blog is like Nasa launching a space shuttle in Florida from Deleware. What am I talking about? I bet it wouldn't even be that hard to do that. It is hard for me to maintain my blog. A lot of you folks who participate in my blog are funny funny people. This, in fact, is the only reason we are friends. I wish you all would start blogs of your own so we could all laugh at each other all day long. ALL DAY LONG! I will place links to your blogs on my blog and if you only get 10% of my 10,000+ hits a day that is still 7,000 people coming to your site. Think about it folks. As a side note, my friend Tim will be publishing an article on here later this week or early next week. You are all to read it and comment on it or be banned from WISDOM BLOG forever. A lifetime ban from WISDOM BLOG is nothing to mess with, ask the pope. Not the new pope, ask the old pope. The new pope hasn't pissed me off yet. Also if anyone ever refers to WISDOM BLOG in a comment it must be capitalized.

Today I went into the gym early to have a meeting with a personal trainer. I did not hire this guy, it is just something my gym provides free of charge. They also provide large towels and small towels but that is neither here nor there. I received by body fat analysis. I received one of these about 8 - 10 years ago and the process was much different. In the old process they used that big pincher tool to actually measure the fattest parts of my body. I am debating on what these are called, my dad says calipers?? This time, it was different. My trainer input my age, height and weight into a little gadget that looked like a playstation controller. I then was instructed to hold this controller out in front of me with my thumbs directly on top. I then pissed my trainer off by pretending to play Grand Theft Auto while doing this part. I kept saying, "C'mon chica, hooker get in the car and give me some, give me some, c'mon slut". I understand why he was upset, it was 6:30 in the morning. A little to early to be playing pretend playstation and deffinately too early for hookers. Not by much, but too early. Anyway, after fifteen seconds this machine gave me a body fat percentage of 22. something percent. How in the hell did this machine figure this out? Does anyone know? On the way home I was really depressed because they say the body is 75% water. If I am 25% fat and 75% water I am a big mess. I am essentialy no different than 29 sticks of butter dumped into a full bath tub. Or a Crisco factory going over a waterfall. Either way, this sucks.

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Blogging goes mainstream
There's growing evidence that blogging is taking up a lot of online time. About 50 million Americans visited blogging sites during the first three months of 2005, according to a new survey by comScore Media ...
I have a one write plus accounting software site. It pretty much covers one write plus accounting software related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

5:57 PM  
Blogger Cornfed-Inbred said...

Calipers, yes. They are called calipers. The test you took measures how quickly an electric current moves through the body, depending on how fat one is. Don't be disheartened, friend, because humans are in a constant state of becoming something (like a flower that is blooming extremely slowly), and the good thing is that humans have a great deal of control over what they become. The ancient axiom still holds true- As a man thinketh, so shall he be. But don't take my word for it- Master Jesus said it.

Anyway- the most accurate test for body-fat percentage is an underwater test where the person exhales as much air from their lungs as is possible- the test is extensive and kind of a hard one to take.

Oh, and, FUCK YOU- I'm too f'ing lazy to maintain my own blog- so I'll continue to suck off the teat that is your blog. Nice try, punk.

8:24 PM  
Blogger Tara said...

WISDOM BLOG is greatness, and my mom can explain how that thumb thing works if you ask her sometime. I will check WISDOM BLOG every day even if there is nothing new to read on WISDOM BLOG.

10:29 PM  
Blogger baltimore said...

dude, its never too early for hookers... as for the playstation, yeah you're right, 6:30 is too early... get back to work you lazy bum!

1:15 PM  
Anonymous bigD said...

Calipers...check

I've had the caliper test and the dunk tank test. They were less than 1% different. The dunk tank test sucks ass. You have to sit on a chair or something underwater then exhale, then slowly move your head underwater, then exhale more, then sit still for about 10 minutes while they do some magic out of the water. Then just as your head explodes, they yell for you to come up. The good part of this is if you do it with some femininas you can see them in bikinis. The bad part is they can see your fatass get rated at 50% body fat.

In related news, I used to have a blog, but due to the vagaries of the production parameters, vis a vie the splintering of the audience due to cable and other media, I no longer do.

And finally, if it's any consellation, you seemed in better shape than 22% body fat to me when we met.

And lastly, I'm not sure how to spell consellation, but that way don't look right to me.

This has been a story about guns and butter

1:16 PM  
Blogger Cornfed-Inbred said...

http://www.izpitera.ru/lj/tetka.swf

One of the weirdest things I've ever seen.....

8:17 AM  
Blogger Cornfed-Inbred said...

http://www.izpitera.ru/lj/tetka.swf

Just use your mouse to nudge her along......

8:19 AM  
Blogger Bean said...

You know what the remainig 3% is comprised of? Poop, fingernails, and hair.

10:57 AM  
Anonymous tim said...

i just read that the bodyfat calculator measures the impediance of your body by inducing a small current through your body. (via ohms law i suppose) this is basically what cornfed said, but i don't think that the speed of the current can be measured all that way considering that current usually flows through a conductor at 66% speed of light. i guess fat and not-fat has different impediance.

truthfully, i still don't know how they work though, b/c you can't put a sizeable current through the body or you will die. plus, it would never pass UL or FDA requirements. very curious.

i think the water test works by assumuing that your body is water except for the fat and air in your lungs. you can measure your body volume by displacing the water in the tank, measure your boyancy with and without some volume of air, and get a measure of your fat/not-fat(assumed to be water) ratio.
neato.

also, i love this blog. you guys are really funny. Larry, don't stop the music. i will let you have an old laptop if you want it and you can write on that and publish whense you get to work.

11:25 AM  

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