Thursday, November 02, 2006

Can you help out?

A few weeks ago I was house sitting for my mom while she was out of town. All of the sudden she calls me from Houston with an extreme emergency.

"Brad, I was thinking....Can you tear down that little section of fence that is in the front yard?"

"Sure."

"ok."

This little fence consisted of four horizontal fence boards held up by three fence posts. The entire fenced area created half of a 6 ft square. This square was clearly put up to accent the absolute worst part of the front yard. Since this was an emergency I decided to get right to work. I got right out there with an axe and a shovel and began knocking the badookie out of this fence. I was about half way done when a guy pulled up in a pick-up truck that looked sort of like this:


Except this guy had a hat on over his afro.

He said:

"Hey man, do you put stuff together?"

I guess he assumed that since I was tearing down a fence, that I was some sort of Mr. fix it. I explained that I am generally pretty adept at putting stuff together. I then looked into the back of his truck and saw that he had a partially put together basketball goal back there. He told me that he wanted a little help putting the basketball goal all the way together. I say all the way because he had already put a lot of the pieces in all the wrong spots. He then starts to unload about 8-10 huge pieces and a Wal-Mart bag of 10 - 11 thousand little pieces out of the back of the truck. The entire time he is doing this I am trying to talk myself out of this ordeal. I explain that this kind of project could take me a complete day to accomplish. He just smiles and hands me a packet of directions. The first page looks similair to this:

(1) 1/2-13 × 12” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (3) 3/8-16 × 3/4” stainless

steel hex head bolts, nuts,

and washers

• (4) 3/8-16 × 3-1/2” Bolts

• (8) 3/8” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 3/8” Lock Nuts

• (1) Rim Gasket

• (2) Molded Backboard Pads

• (1) Extension Pad for 72” Bkbrd.

• (8) Self-tapping Screws

• (8) Screw Protectors

• (1) 1/2 oz. bottle touch-up paint

• (1) Arrow decal

• (1) 1/2-13 × 12” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (1) 1/2-13 × 8” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (4) 1/2-13 × 1-1/2” Bolts

• (8) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (10) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (4) 1/2” Lock Nuts

• (2) Special 2” OD Nylon Washers -

Lower Arms to Backboard Tabs

Page 2

• (1) 1/2-13 × 9” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (1) 1/2-13 × 12” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (3) 3/8-16 × 3/4” stainless

steel hex head bolts, nuts,

and washers

• (4) 3/8-16 × 3-1/2” Bolts

• (8) 3/8” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 3/8” Lock Nuts

• (1) Rim Gasket

• (2) Molded Backboard Pads

• (1) Extension Pad for 72” Bkbrd.

• (8) Self-tapping Screws

• (8) Screw Protectors

• (1) 1/2 oz. bottle touch-up paint

• (1) Arrow decal

• (1) 1/2-13 × 12” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (1) 1/2-13 × 8” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (4) 1/2-13 × 1-1/2” Bolts

• (8) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (10) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (4) 1/2” Lock Nuts

• (2) Special 2” OD Nylon Washers -

Lower Arms to Backboard Tabs

Page 2

• (1) 1/2-13 × 9” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut


I stared at my new buddy with amazement in my face. First of all he already told me that he had bought this at the good will. So the first step would be to go through this list and see what parts are missing. My guess would be at least 15% of them. I then start to load everything back in his truck while he is looking through the booklet explaining which steps he "keeps getting stuck on." In the end I told the man that I could not help him at all with his project and that my involvement would surely produce an end result that looked nothing like a basketball goal.

I feel sorry for anyone else that he drove by that day that had any sort of tool in their hand.

4 Comments:

Blogger Bean said...

Now that there, that's hilariuos!

7:25 AM  
Blogger fooiemcgoo said...

Good story.

the parts list was a nice touch.

I don't know what to think of a person that drives up to a person's house and asks him to do a task that he is capable of. I would have been in the same pickle, trying to get rid of him and all. sometimes when i meet strangers in my driveway, i end up buying $35 bottles of cleaner from them.

7:48 AM  
Anonymous cow da don said...

well i still haven't finished it and he's comin to pick it up today yikes

4:04 PM  
Blogger tschy said...

Bleach - i got a torn down play for that I need some help putting back together....doing anything this weekend?

1:27 PM  

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