Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Who said you could wear jeans?

I originally was not going to blog this blog but something happened today that changed my mind. It was customer service week last week. I guess this week celebrates anyone who has ever had a job that has dealt with a customer. I have no idea why they would dedicate an entire week to this. The percentage of people who have jobs that involve customers must be slim! Somewhere between 99.5 and 100%. Anywho, my company showed there support by giving us suckers with smiley faces on them. Now, while I am all for suckers, I tend not to like it when they say "Go the extra smile" on the stick. As a matter of fact, this pisses me right the fuck off. I put that sucker in my drawer until today. Today I ate it, got pissed off, and decided to execute a plan...

Here is some background you may need to know to help me execute this plan:

I work for a very large company. Fortune something or another. Every day we receive an email letting us know how much cash we brought in that day. The email also tells us if we are on track for our monthly goal. If we are on target, we get? A) New Cars. B) A kick into our profit sharing. (nevermind, we don't have that) C) to wear jeans the next day. You guessed it. We get to wear jeans the next day!!!

"Hey Bill, I know it's close to 5:00pm but will you go ahead and collect that extra 2 million so I can wear jeans tomorrow?"

"Sure Brad, I might try to get it up to 3 mil so you can wear no underpants and your new flamingo cap."

The whole idea of the "100 % of goal" = "jeans" is pretty ok with me. But then I started thinking. What if I am off that day? What if I am on vacation? What if I am too retarded to call and ask someone at work if we can wear jeans tomorrow? "All I'm saying is, somebody better make a fucking HOTLINE I can call!!!"

And so it was born....The Jeans Hotline! If you think I am kidding, here is the number. 1-888-773-7376 Dial 1 Then Ext: 23-4829.

I despise the idea and the actuality of The Jeans Hotline. I am dead set on making it no more. This is where you all come in.

The Plan:

I need everyone to use this hotline to determine if you can wear jeans to your work. I don't care if you are a beekeeper, a gymnist or a nudist colony local chapter head. If the jeans hotline says to wear jeans, wear them bitches! When your boss gets on you, just say "Hey pal, apprantly you aint heard. There is a hotline for this!" I have to believe that eventually, this hotline will be brought to the ground. It must!

Maybe once the cost of the jeans hotline is gone, we will meet our goal. And at that point my friends, I will be a jeans wearing, underpantsless, Customer Service god...going the extra smile! Fuck off!


Anonymous cow da don said...

the plan is in action, the red eagle flies at midnight.

6:24 PM  
Blogger Bean said...

I called. I forgot to press 1, got the operator, and promptly hung up. Called again and followed instructions to reveal that tomorrow, I must dress biz casual. TRACH.

10:21 PM  
Anonymous baltimore said...

number 134 in the fortune 500...

we can pull in 17 mil in a day, and that still ain't enough to wear goddam jeans!!

as i typed this, just fyi: our company pulled 6.2 mil today, and... "jeans always on friday"!
todd isler, what a great guy.

3:22 PM  
Blogger ThatWomanInNewAlbany said...

I am hysterical. Everyone one here at work is calling the hotline!

3:40 PM  
Blogger Stef said...

Who's the poor sap that has to make that recording?

8:47 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Hey's Jen...I sat here and read this blog w/ TEARS streaming down my face because I work for the same damn company as you and my sentiment EXACTLY!!!! The irony is we are SO damn busy with everything and someone ACTUALLY takes time out of the busy day to say "Tomorrow is Wednesday, October 18, and we will be wearing jeans today"...Come we not have enough bullshit to get done?! I mean SERIOUSLY!!! Thanks for the entertainment!!! Jen

9:15 PM  
Blogger fooiemcgoo said...

Monday the 23 is business casual. you guys need to work harder.

3:21 PM  
Blogger Bean said...

I just tried calling. It's stuck on Jun 18.

2:00 PM  

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