Wisdom

20 LBS

2010-06-24T09:31:00.003-05:00

I have officially reached the first goal in my weight loss plan. 20 lbs!

I stepped on the scale about three months ago and I was flabbergasted . I weighed 268 pounds. The heaviest I have ever been in my life. When your personal stats are higher than professional football players and you look nothing like a preofesional football player, it is time to start doing something about your weight. Also, by football I mean the real American sport...Not the European kickball tournament that is going on in South Africa.

Once I finished puking in disgust, I made a plan to lose weight. I have titanium plates and screws in my feet and I also have a disk that tends to go out, so I devised my plan with this in mind. I decided that I would get down to 240lbs and then start working out so I did not hurt myself. I am currently at 248lbs!!

Here is how I did it! Stopped eating fast food and stopped drinking cokes. That is it! Along with some other minor eating adjustments. For example, my old breakfast used to be a poptart and a gatorade. My current breakfast is Strawberry and cream oatmeal made with milk and a crystal light flavor packeted water. My lunch used to be - Wendy's, Mc Donalds, Arbys, Subway and occasionally Back Yard Burger. Mu current lunch is usually a Turkey sandwich and a bag of chips. I do not forbid myself from ever eating anything unhealthy. I eat the new Reeses snacksize Mcflurries and I eat Flavor ice popsicles by the gross. But I was eating all of those snacks on top of my bad eating habits.

My advice to anyone is to just stop eating fast food and drinking cokes and watch the weight melt away. Of course this is just a variation of taking in less calories than you burn which is the only way to effectively lose weight.

Have a good one.

THE ENDING OF LOST.

2010-05-25T14:13:00.000-05:00

My thoughts on the ending of the LOST series.

I decided to write this mainly for myself. I just wanted to make an attempt to translate my feeling of disappointment into words.

I have been an avid watcher of LOST since mid way through season two. Once I heard that people, whose opinions I respect, were digging the show, I decided to give it a shot. I watched all of season one and half of season two on DVD in about 3 weeks time. I then watched the remainder of season two in real time like everyone else. This means I have watched this every Tuesday since 2005. I even took half days off of work for the premiere and the finale of seasons 4, 5 and 6. My point being that I really liked the show and grew to expect a lot from the writers.

My favorite thing about the show was the writer’s ability to surprise me. The unexpected is what makes good things become great. Think about the things you find the funniest. It is mostly something happening that you did not expect. As a matter of fact, when humor fails, it is usually because it was predictable. This is the same with all great drama as well. Season two opened with Desmond waking up and fixing himself a protein shake. We were then blown away when the camera panned up to reveal that he was in the hatch. Season three opened with the book club meeting that surprisingly ended up being on the island. We get to see Oceanic 815 split above their heads. The premiere of season 4 shows what we think is a flashback of Jack and it turns out that he is actually off of the island. I consider myself to be a fairly intuitive person. I constantly marveled at the writer’s ability to do something that I could not foresee. I think this concept partly led to my disappointment with the finale.

After season three, the Damon and Carlton (the main writers) said that they were going to have a new method of storytelling for each season. It started with the Flashbacks. It then turned into flash forwards. This then led to the island literally flashing forward and backward through time. It also led to half of our story being in the present and half of our story being in the past but both being those characters present. You have to be a fan of the show to understand that sentence. The writers then had to think of a new storytelling element for season 6. They also had to think of a way to do something in the premiere that none of us would guess. Having 10+ million of the most analytical fans to dupe is not a small task.

This led to the flash sideways. What did the flash sideways accomplish? It was a new form of storytelling and something that none of us would have ever guessed. I am not saying that I did not like the flash sideways. I am just saying that the writers should not have made the flash sideways the focal point of the story. The last 20 minutes of the finale resolved the flash sideways. I was always one of those people who knew that we would not have an answer to all of the questions. I did not even demand answers. I thought we would never know who created the island or why it was created. I could lump this into us not knowing why man or the earth was created. Some things just are. I could have cared less if they tried to explain the whispers. But here are a few things I think we deserved to know.

1) What were the rules that governed Ben and Widmores relationship?
2) Who the hell is Eloise Hawking and why did she always seem to know exactly what was going on?
3) How did the Donkey wheel work and why did it dump you in the middle of the Desert?
4) Why was the time on the island different than the rest of the world?
5) Why did the oceanic 6 have to make the Ajira site as close to the Oceanic flight as possible?
6) Why did some of those people go back in time and others did not.
7) I could go on and on and on….

I feel like anything could of happened during the course of the show and we were just supposed to accept it. The only question the writers felt like they had to answer was, “What is the flash sideways.” I have news for the writers. WE HAVE BEEN WATCHING THE SHOW FOR 5 ½ FUCKING YEARS BEFORE THE FLASH SIDEWAYS EXISTED! In the middle of season three they could have had Sawyer grown a third arm out of his chest that looked a lot like Jacobs arm and offer no explanation for it at all.

Just for the record. When other people were disappointed with episodes, I was always the one saying to give the writers a chance. When people did not like where the show was headed or said it was too confusing, I preached that it would all make sense in the end. I was wrong. I was let down.

I will always have fond memories of getting together with my cousin and watching the show. Debating theories with others. Looking forward to watching TV in an era when everything else was just damn stupid. And, listening to the writer’s podcasts. I do not feel like I wasted my time watching the show, I just wish the writers would not have let the desire to shock us write them into a corner. Goodbye LOST. It has been unreal.

I am not going to proof read this so I am sorry about the mistakes.

WalMart

2010-05-05T19:02:00.001-05:00

Say what you want about Wal-Mart...they are evil, they are all that is wrong with society, etc...

But...

I just bought a $6.00 toaster and a $9.00 Blender.

LOST

2010-02-05T11:23:00.002-06:00

Since it is the beginning of the end, I thought I would maybe try to start blogging about LOST. First of all, why do us fans go nuts over LOST? I constantly find it amusing that people are quick to call avid LOST watchers nerds, TV junkies and nerds. These same people will go home at night and watch American Idol, CSI or Ugly Betty. Somewhere along the line we started believing that TV could not produce great Art. This was a right reserved for the movies and the stage. I believe that LOST has disproved this theory. What people do not understand is that LOST is not about a bunch of people trying to escape an island. LOST is about science vs. religion, good vs. evil, and most important, free will vs. destiny. At least I spend my time watching something that raises questions that have stoked the mental fires of our greatest philosophers since the beginning of time. I am indeed a nerd, but it has nothing to do with my fascination with this show. On to the premiere….

Season 6 – Episode – 1 – LA X

First of all, the title of this episode was very nice. We knew that supposedly two things were going to happen from Juliet smashing the bomb. 1) Everything would go according to plan and the plane would land at LAX without crashing on the island. LA X 2) It would not work and the Losties would still be trapped on the island. LA Xed. Knowing Lost, I could not bring myself to commit to any one of these two ideas. I had no clue what was going to happen. But, I also could have never have predicted what did in fact happen. BOTH!

The premiere begins with Jack on oceanic flight 815 just before the crash. Other people appear to be with him. Sun and Jin, Hurley, Lock, Boone, Kate, Rose, Bernard and Sayid. The plane goes through a bit of turbulence and then everything is normal. The Camera travels down to the ocean floor and we see that the island is under water. We see the four toed statue and “New Otherton” appear to have been built. The plane lands safely at LAX. A few of the Losties seem to cross paths in this “Flash sideways” alternate timeline. Sayid and Jack save Charlie from chocking on a package of Heroin. Sawyer is told by Hurley that he is in fact the luckiest man alive. Kate escapes from her Marshall and gets in a cab with Claire. It appears that the Losties paths were bound to cross without the crash of 815.

I must say that I was not very happy with this decision of the writers to create this alternate timeline. If you are able to create an alternate timeline, then it becomes impossible to piece anything together because everything becomes an option. However, just like I could not predict that the series opener would have both outcomes, I feel certain that I cannot predict how marvelously they will tie this in with the regular island Losties. Having two completely different shows going on may have been possible in a two hour premiere. But, How will it impact the one hour shows that remain for the rest of the season? I think it would have been hard to bring our regular story to a satisfactory close in 16 one hour episodes. Let alone begin an entirely new story that will eat into this time as well. I must believe that the two will be connected in some way. And, I even think I may have a theory on how this will happen. Being that this is the last season, I think I should post a theory soon. Until then….Namaste.

President Bush

2009-09-19T01:08:00.002-05:00

I decided to search and search the Interweb for the best Bush speech. Here it is for all to enjoy. Very short.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjmLE7paJU8&NR=1

1000mpg. What the F***!!

2009-07-20T10:22:00.002-05:00

http://www.dailycamera.com/news/2009/mar/01/university-colorado-cu-later-1000-mpg-car/

Those stars are for you Tara!

Can someone please tell me why you can build a car that gets 1000mpg and holds 1 person weighing 105lbs but you cannot build one that gets 250mpg that can handle 420lbs?

You all are much smarter than I.

LIsten up Motherfuckers

2009-03-18T22:24:00.004-05:00

There once was a woman named Peace Pilgrim.

http://www.peacepilgrim.com/

From the Website:

From 1953 to 1981 a silver haired woman calling herself only "Peace Pilgrim" walked more than 25,000 miles on a personal pilgrimage for peace. She vowed to "remain a wanderer until mankind has learned the way of peace, walking until given shelter and fasting until given food." In the course of her 28 year pilgrimage she touched the hearts, minds, and lives of thousands of individuals all across North America. Her message was both simple and profound. It continues to inspire people all over the world:

Not from the Website (But true):

Then one day while Peace Pilgrim was walking to the next town to share her message of world peace....A person accidentally ran over peace pilgrim.

Again not from the website (But truest):

So? My Point? No matter how bad a day, week, month or even year you are having. At least you are not the poor asshole who has to live with running over Peace Pilgrim. Quit being a baby and stop bitching!

When am I getting a divorce?

2009-03-09T10:08:00.003-05:00

I was watching and Interview with Marissa Mayer who is Vice President of Search Products and User Experience with Google. She was asked a question by Mr. Charlie Rose about the ownership of information. You all may remember the recent uproar regarding Facebooks declaration that they own all your stuff. This is when Ms. Mayer said something that astounded me; Some specific credit card company knows with 80% accuracy who is going to get a divorce 2 years before the cardholders themselves. I am pretty sure it was 80%. I know it was higher than 70%. Ms. Mayer explained that the whether a person is to stay married greatly affects their ability to pay off debt and therefore affects their credit rating. I wonder who they could sell this information to. Divorce attorneys/ Counseling Services. I can see it now. You get a free pen in the mail from Dr. Staytogether's counseling service offering help for your pending divorce that you do not know about yet but with 80% accuracy will happen in 1.5 years. Amazing.

Pics from Dallas 09

2009-02-23T20:15:00.004-06:00

Ben and I had a great time cousins. Thanks for all the hospitality that everyone showed! We will be back and you are welcome here anytime!

http://s585.photobucket.com/albums/ss292/Nepar/

The Economic Collapse

2009-02-17T11:11:00.001-06:00

20/20 Had a very good show on last night called “House of Cards” that explained in detail the economic meltdown. I was pretty confused how all this happened until I watched it. I think I will try and relay, to the best of my ability, what happened. Keep in mind that all I am trying to do is put this in terms a lay person can understand. I barely know what I am talking about here.

1) Bad loans were issued by Mortgage companies and people forged their info to get these loans. Loans were issued based on “stated income”. This means that all a person had to do was sign a document saying they made $100,000 a year and in reality they could be just out of prison, and a loan was given.

2) Most of these mortgages had an adjustable rate. They would be at sub prime for the first 2, 3 or 5 years and then go up high as hell. Hence the term “sub prime meltdown”. Mortgage brokers would rationalize this by saying that people would just refinance before the rate hike into another sub prime loan.

3) Since it was now easy as hell for anyone to get a loan, the demand for houses went through the roof. Causing housing prices to skyrocket. This lead to people having a whole bunch of equity built up in their homes. So….They withdrew money from the golden fountain. The problem is that they refinanced using these sub prime loans.

4) Guess what people did with all this money they took out of their home? They spent it. The economy flourished. They bought anything and everything they could get their hands on. Pools, cars, pets, and sandwiches. George Bush got on TV and talked about how good our economy was and how much home ownership was up. Too bad it was all bullshit. But nobody else knew either apprantly.

5) WallStreet bought the hell out of these loans. People were making their payments on time because their interest rates were low which made the loans look like a good investment for everyone. The loans were bundled and sold. They were put in as part of funds and given a AAA rating by the rating companies. This meant that they were the lowest risk funds you could invest in. And everyone bought them.

6) CDO’s were created. This stands for Collateralized Debt Obligation. I suggest you read what these are on your own. Basically Slices of the clumps of horrible loans were bundled together and sold. Again with a AAA rating. Most people had no idea what they were investing in. And EVERYONE invested in these.

7) Shit hits the fan. People who put down fake income start falling behind on their payments. Interest rates go up on the adjustable rate mortgages. Houses start being foreclosed on. This creates a lot of houses on the market. People realize the bad loans are the reason for this and stop issuing them. Demand for houses tanks and supply explodes. People are not able to refinance their shitty loans and they get foreclosed on. This creates even more supply and less demand.

8) The CDO’s price plummet. Which causes all CDO’s to plummet (weather they are part of the housing market or not). Everyone looses faith in the market. If this AAA CDO is failing then why would anything else not fail? Our economy collapses. Where will it end?

9) Who is at fault? The house buyers, for sure, for lying. The Mortgage companies for knowing they were lying and issuing the loan anyway. Wall Street for having to know these loans were bad and selling them anyway. The rating companies for not investigating what they were rating. And anyone who refinanced into a shitty loan. This is how I understand it anyway.

Internet Music

2009-02-13T09:43:00.005-06:00

My journey with Internet music has had many phases. I began searching for legal ways to use the Internet for music about 5 years ago. Downloading MP3’s just kind of became a pain in the ass. I have found the ultimate in Internet Music, but first….My Journey.

I-tunes :

I-tunes was an acceptable way of listening to music from my computer. The obvious benefits were that I could listen to any music I already owned for free. I had to take the time of course to put those files into I-tunes. The drawbacks were the fact that I had to purchase any new music that I wanted to hear. I rarely did this. All in all, I-tunes was ok for configuring the ol’ I-pod but pretty bad for new music.

Pandora / Janga :

I discovered Pandora a few years ago and thought it was great. Pandora allows you to type in an artist and create a radio station of similar artists. The benefit is that you are exposed to new music that you may end up enjoying. The downfall is that you could only skip through so many songs per hour and were sometimes stuck listening to stuff you did not like. I thought that this would be the future of free internet music.

Rhapsody:

I discovered Rhapsody and fell in love. It only cost $12.00 per month and I had access to almost every song I could think of. They seriously would have any obscure song or band you could ever think of. I searched for a recording I made of me singing in the shower and they even had that. I thought that this would be the end all of music for me. It is worth $12.00 per month because I would use Rhapsody for at least an hour per day. That is until yesterday.

Groovershark:

My friend comes in and asks if I have heard of Groove Shark. He claims that it is just like Rhapsody, but free. I say that he is full of nonsensical madness. I then check out GrooveShark.com and he is right. I can listen to any song I want, for free. I have tried to dig around the site a little to see how they are able to do this, but I have not read a good answer. Maybe one of you will know. Anyway, Rhapsody subscription is gone and I do not see how they will not be out of business very soon.

Why do I live here?

2009-01-15T09:22:00.001-06:00

Christmas Poem

2009-01-13T12:20:00.001-06:00

I wrote a Chirstmas poem and read it aloud at my work. It may not be that funny to you all because you do not know any of the poeple in the poem. I decided to post it anyway.

Note: none of the names have been changed because I feel that nobody has a right to privacy or to not be offended. Enjoy.

Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the buildin
We were dead as a doornail, Everybody just chillin
When just out of nowhere, a tweet, bell and whistle
Meant 10 new ones were comming, Faxed over by Crystal

10 books, and financials, AOB’s, ABN’s
Only 1 copy each, I said Mike, We need 10
So off to the copier, he went with no words
When you might have guessed it, “A Misfeed has occurred”

Traci and Rupa and Crystal and Ben
Took one order each, But I said there were 10
We need some more help, where’s Chris and where’s Kay?
Oh yeah that’s right, they work 1 hour a day.

Then Buz spoke on up, said “Team, I’ll take six”
Buz, that’s too much, said the rest of us techs
“ you try and stop me”, he said As he turned around
I’ve had 10 pots of Coffee, Using 30 packs of grounds

Those were his last words that horrible night
Theres only so much coffee one can drink in a life
He passed out face first, hit the ground with a smash
Crystal H took his watch, and Kathryn his cash

We needed some music, to get back in the spirit,
And “Oh holy night” just might be the ticket
The song was found quick, among many MP3s
and we almost cried at “Fall on your knees”.

The room was in shambles and about to get worse
Tracy just cried, while Crystal just cursed
Cornell started dancing to cheer up the staff
We needed some help and we needed it fast

So Stephen said he had a direct line to God
He picked up the phone, and dialed with a nod
And barely you could hear, over horrible singing
Brad’s work phone and cell phone both started ringing

Leslie’s online and Cindy is smoking
Leonards at Sams, the copiers broken
the pharmacists gone, these patients in Perril
But wait who is that? Oh Thank the lord, It is Darrel

And Darrell moved quicker than I’ve ever seen
He was an auth getting, Processin machine
Karen tried to help and printed a label
But Darrell Yelled at her, He’s truly unstable

Randy decided to be rude and crass
And yelled at Cornell..Get your head out your ____
The room became quiet, Then way in the back
Sarah said, “I Know a doctor who could help with that.”

Todd was asleep, in the hood safe and sound
And Mcgill Screamed “Wake Up”, but barely made any sound
They compounded quickly, setting all kinds of records
The next logical step was a whole bunch of checkers

Now Bob drank three red bulls, took 5 stacker 3’s
with more power than ever, he yells, “Checker Please!”
Julie said something about this not being compliant
And we said its Chirstmas, so Julie, Be quiet

The orders were checked, to the warehouse were sent
And into the vans, like the wind, drivers went
On David, On Gary, On Chad and Bob Smith N
On Jim and on Dennis, And anyone else on a pension

Only one order left, nomore drivers around
Then out of nowhere, came a glorious sound
The sound of sleighbells, coming down from the sky
Santa landed out back, what a hell of a guy

Then out of nowhere came a thunderous BOOM
That’s when Matt Poe walked in the room
Now That was the worst sound I ever did hear
Matt smiled real big said “Got me a deer”

Santa starts crying, but our patient’s relying
The patient is doomed, I swear I’m not lying
Who or what will save this chirstmas eve
When Randy says “Brad, you gotta believe”

then Someone walked in, is that the Grinch?
I just can’t believe it, please give me a pinch
The best warehouse sup in all of the land
Dan the man Dan oh Dan dan aran

Caneyville, Horse Cave, Vine grove and Shively
Can’t keep this man from being so lively
He dashes and prances and runs with the best
His soles start to smoke, he’s leaving the nest

He grabs the delivery with lightning speed
He needs no directions, No gas card, no keys
We say sorry Dan this wasn’t our plan
He says, Merry Christmas to all and I understand.

2008 year in review

2008-12-18T10:35:00.004-06:00

Hello people. Wow. Long time no see. A lot has happened since I have quit blogging.

1) An African American president. Who woulda thunk it. I am not going to talk too much about this but I will say that I am happy about it. And here is why. If you take into account that in the grand scheme of things, it does not matter who would have won then at least we got someone who restores some good will to America for the rest of the world.

2) Michael Phelps. What an amzing feat. I feel a little bad for Mr. Phelps though. If he was just a tad bit handsomer, then he would have some better endorsements. But who does Michael Phelps endorse after winning a record amount of gold metals. Is it Trojan? Or does he have "Phelps", the fragrence of champions? No, Rosetta Stone. Sorry Michael, one could not be pretty and the best swimmer of all time. Deal with it.

3) Brittany Spears makes a comeback. Just kidding.

4) Our economy collapsed. This was just freaking fantastic. I like the idea of pretending like I am camping and storing bottled water and canned goods. I am truly worried. But oh well, life goes on.

5) We learned that our President has amazing reaction time. I am serious. That was an impressive dodge. I woulda got hit right in the face with that shoe. I think he handled the situation pretty well also.

6) Bernie Mac died. What a damn shame. I loved Bernie.

That is all. I could have taken some time and made this a lot better, but I just wanted to get a blog up to get me out of my non posting. Hope everyone has a good Christmas.

Mickey Dees

2008-08-26T11:14:00.002-05:00

Hello to all. Sorry I have not blogged a blog recently. I know your life feels empty and meaningless when I am not writing. Here is a funny story.

My pop and myself have decided to make a summer ritual of going to Taylorsville Lake. This is a pretty big man made lake located about 20 minutes from Louisville. We are able to rent a dent little boat for around $130 and spend the entire day fishing, swimming and eating. Not to mention the wildlife. We witnessededed 2 raccoons, 2 turtles, 3 deer, 1 dead fish, and about 20 Cranes.

On the way to the lake we decided to stop at McDonalds to get some breakfast. This McDonalds was located in the end slot of a strip mall. The drive thru was around back of the strip mall. It was the first non free standing MceeD's that I have witnessededed. We pull up to the drive through in full anticipation of the goodies that will soon be in our face and then in our tummies. My dad rolls down the window and begins to examine the menu, When... The sprinkler system comes on and shoots my pop dead on in the face. I see the confusion in my pops mannerisms as he gets wetted down for a full 5 long seconds before attempting to roll up the window. The window roll up moves incredibly slow while you are being shot directly in the forehead by a lightning bolt like stream of water. Finally the window is rolled up and my dad looks super pissed. I on the other hand am laughing uncontrollably. He eventually joins in. We pull up to the window and the manager explains to us that they do not officially open until he following Monday. My pop and I have several moments of unstoppable laughter throughout the day. I still laugh when thinking about it. I will trade a Bacon, Egg and cheese biscuit for laughter at my dads expense any day of the week.

Happy Birthday RIngo!

2008-07-07T20:35:00.002-05:00

YOU DOUSCHEBAG

Golf, Sports, Mickey Mouse, Etc..

2008-06-25T10:15:00.003-05:00

So, I have recently started playing Golf pretty regularly and I have to say, it is the hardest sport I have ever attempted. This has started me thinking about my sport playing past and that got me thinking that you all would like to know about it. So here ya go:

As a kid. Pre 6th grade.

Little League Baseball – I was the worst player on the team. I remember always hanging out in the dugout with this kid who hung himself with a belt from his bunk-bed a couple years later. I did get put into the outfield once when our first string outfielder was knocked out by a foul ball from the High School field. I got one hit all season that was promptly caught by the third baseman. I was so excited I even hit the ball but nobody else seemed to notice.

Little League Soccer – I think I was a little better at soccer but still not good. My only memory of playing soccer was not having on the same game shirt as the rest of my team. I think I lost my shirt and was forced to wear the closest yellow colored shirt that came close.

9th Grade

Tennis – Now this was finally something I was good at. I only was able to play Tennis for one year due to my accident in which I broke some bones. I did enjoy playing and even picked it up a little later in College and whatnot (for fun only). My biggest advantage while playing tennis was that sometimes the sweat from my boobs and stomach would form an outline of Mickey Mouse on my shirt and make the opponent laugh hysterically. Looks more like Winnie the Pooh now that I redraw it. No, I did not draw that picture.

Currently I get my ass handed to me at least once weekly by my cousin in racquetball. I do not really consider this a sport since 75% of the players are fat.

And Golf. …Which brings me to the reason I wrote this damn thing. The thing about golf is that you are basically playing against yourself. I guess the argument could be made for this with any sport, but it seems a little bit truer in golf. I guess “truer” is a word since it did not get underlined by my new age typing software. I have figured out that the best way to get a good golf swing is to do whatever comes natural and then completely disregard. The next step is to contort my body into the most unnatural swinging position and take a jab at the ball. It then Usually goes somewhat where I want. I am definitely getting better but have little hope of eventually joining the senior PGA tour. The nice thing about golf is that you can get down some things that work well, then read a golf article and completely fuck up everything you had right. I need some lessons.

Help me fight Global Warming on July 1st

2008-06-11T22:14:00.003-05:00

I am officially announcing the first annual fight global warming the Brad way day. I might end up calling it the Brad way day for short. Here are a list of a few things I will personally be doing on July 1st.

1) Switching to Energy efficient light bulbs
2) Riding my bike 26 miles to work ( I will have to leave 3 hours early)
3) Speaking to at least 10 people on the seriousness of the problem.

These are things I will be doing. These last three things on the list is what I need your guys help with.

4) Lets all promise to hold our breath for at least 5 minutes out of each hour. This will eliminate our CO2 output and increase our earths life by 1 month for each 100 people who participate.
5) Get a fucking life.
6) Cork as many cows asses as you can.

Yes, on July 1st I challenge you to come to New Albany IN and help me cork as many cow asses as possible. We will naturally be using cork that is made from recycled wood. We will need volunteers to whittle the corks. A cork that will fit up an adult cow ass has to be a lot bigger than you think. We don't ever really get to see the diameter of a cow asshole because the tail is in the way. When you pull back that tail, it looks almost like an entrance to a smurf size cave. We will also need "stickers", "tail holders" and "distracters". The distracters will perform such distractions as; dressing up like giant corn cobs, lakes, and feed barns. I have rented 2 feed barn costumes. The tail holders will be vital in helping the "stickers" get that cork real tight and secure in the cows rectum. I know what your thinking, "Wont the methane just find another hole to come out of eventually?" Well.. I don't fucking know, Mr. doom and Gloom ...But we gotta start somewhere to save this damn planet. Remeber...July 1st. We meet at my place. Children welcome. God Bless a changeless climated America.

Net in the room

2008-05-31T00:03:00.003-05:00

So I purchased a $40.00 combo package that includes a wireless keyboard, a wireless mouse and some pretty dope Logitech speakers. Add in a $15 VGA cable running from my PC to my flat screen and I have the wave of the future right here in my bedroom. Add in the fact that I can go to "watch-movies.net" and "tv-link.cc", my room then becomes a cinema and on demand cable extravaganza paradise!

Color me A) Stoked as hell for setting this up and B) Stupid for not doing it sooner.

I recommend it to all who frequent these fine pages of happiness.

Hopefully this means I will blog much more often. I don't really say that in the sense of it being good for you all but more so it being good for me. It is really nice to have a diary of happenings that now dates back almost 3 years.

Type to you all soon.

Price is Right for stimulatin'

2008-05-13T14:56:00.005-05:00

Welcome to the 2008 Economic Stimulus version of the Price is Right!

I challenge anyone to stimulate the economy as efficiently as I will!

I am going to stimulate the economy by purchasing the following things. One column has the price of an item and the next column has the items I will purchase. They are of course, not matched up correctly. Be the first to match up the price with the item and win nothing except braggin rights.

1) $170.00 A) Insurance Payment
2) $150.00 B) X box live points card
3) $25.00 C) Blue Tooth
4) $75.00 D) Book Shelf from Big Lots
5) $70.00 E) Rock Band
6) $50.00 F) 2001 broke down car from friend
7) $60.00 G) Left over pocket change

Answer will be given soon. I look forward to nobody trying to guess.

If you do not want to play just tell me what you are going to buy, if you are even in a poor tax bracket such as myself, to get a stimulus check.

You all are very lucky that I did not describe each product as Rod Rodey would. How is his name spelled anyway?

Shocker

2008-04-18T17:15:00.000-05:00

The following is a true story… That happened this morning.

As you may remember from past blogs, I am really into dreams. If you live to be 75, you will spend about 25 years of your life asleep. Why not try to have as much fun with your dreams as possible? I have been working pretty hard on dream recall. I am to the point where I can remember at least 1 dream a night very vividly. Last night was no exception. Here is the dream:

I am in a small room that is supposed to be my bedroom, though it looks nothing like my bedroom. There are three sources of water in the room. A sink, a bathtub and some sort of fountain. There is also a window. I keep turning the water faucets off and closing the window. Shortly after I do something starts shaking everything in the room, turning all the faucets on, and opening the window. It is a ghost. I am half scared and half curious by what is going on. I go get a group of people to show them what is going on. We all go into the room to investigate and “reset” the water faucets and windows. The group of people and myself then shut the door to the room and stand outside the door. We can hear an awful commotion through the door. A creepy sensation crawls up my spine. And that is when I……

WAKE UP!!!

I wake up to the sound f everything on my nightstand rattling. I look over and everything is moving up and down. I then notice that everything in my room is moving as well. Including the bed. I am right dab in the middle of an exorcism taking place in my room. I have dreamt about the spirits and brought them to life in my room. I almost number 2ed myself. I jumped up and ran down the hallway to see if my roommate was off to work yet. He was gone. I then run outside the Devil house and onto the porch. That is when I notice that all of my neighbors are starting to come out as well. Then it hits me that this must have been an earthquake. Which indeed it was.
There was a magnitude 5.2 quake in southern Illinois that was felt pretty far away. I wonder what the damn odds where that I was dreaming about ghosts at the same time. Thanks again God!

Brad

March of Dimes

2008-04-02T09:04:00.005-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen....It is that time of year again. Please to be sponsoring me in the March of Dimes walk. I am pretty late at getting this info out there because the walk is April 19th. Any support would be greatly appreciated. Just follow the website.

http://www.marchforbabies.org/BBTriple

Ski, Skied? , Skiing? What a complex word.

2008-02-27T08:38:00.007-06:00

I will start off by saying what a success my previous blog was. You all really took to that one. The basis for the blog was the countless beards and mustaches I have drawn on magazine people over the years. I assumed I was not alone. What I did not take into account is that, with age, the "fun zone" of your brain slowly gets replaced with nonsense along the lines of financial concerns, job issues and marital problems. Just kidding. It was kind of a dumb idea. Anyway, on to the story of my weekend....

This past weekend I went skiing. For those of you who do not know, Gatlinburg TN is this little town in TN where rednecks like to go and get their money stolen. There are tons of shops. A lot of people from around here run off to Gatlunberg and get married. (as a side note...I am too lazy to look up how to spell Gattlinbirg...so..maybe one of my ways will be correct).

I did not know you could ski in Gatlinberg but you can. They had basically four trails open. 2 green, 1 blue and 1 black. 2 easy, 1 medium, and 1 hard for those who don't ski. I had not been skiing in about a year. The group that I was with were all newbies, so I did a lot of solo skiing.

The point of this story is that I crashed. Bad. I didn't break anything, but it was still a bad crash. Here is my nobel price for literature, first person telling of what happened.

The mountain stood over me like that bully in grade school who used to steal my milk money. The only difference is that the mountain was scarier. I rode the chair lift to the top praying that the cord would snap and I would die a quick death. I thought about "only the good die young" playing at my funeral. Anything to prevent me from going down this slope of insanity. As I reached the top, I thought of all the 5-14 year olds who I have seen ski much tougher trails. I also thought about the ones who were skiing right by me to go down this hill. I squirted a little bit of pee into my pants. Much like that last little bit of gas that comes out of the nozzle no matter how long you wait to hang the pump up. There is also not anything I could do about either....

Alright enough of this.

So I am going down the hill. I am going down in a zig zag fashion. This fashion is somewhere in between beginner and advanced. Beginners go down the hill in a snow plow. THis is when you make a inward "V" with your skiis as to not pick up any speed. Advanced people go down the hill hopping side to side. Regulating their speed. I go down the hill Like a sideways "W". THis allows me to regulate my speed but go fast enough to have fun. There was another guy doing the same thing in front of me. Well, I caught up with him. We both cut in on our "W" at the exact same time. I have no idea how fast I was traveling, but it was pretty durn fast.

We are skiing straight for each other and I know that we are going to hit head on. For those who don't know me, I am 6ft 3" and weigh about 250. You basically don't want to be on the other end of me going fast on skis. I threw my poles and decided to bear hug this guy. I decided that if I hug him and throw my head to the side of his body, it will be the best way to avoid bone on bone action. We hit. Picture the cartoons. When two cats fights and it is just a cloud of smoke. I land laying down the hill and he lands laying horizontal on the hill. Our feet are all intertwined with each other. We both lay there for about 2 minutes without saying a word.

After the two minutes, I decide that nothing of mine is broken. Here is the conversation the best I can remember.

Me: "You ok man?"

Him: (With a real southern accident). "yeah man, I'm good".

At this point I try to get my feet free. I realize they are tangled with his skis. He just doesn't say anything.

Me: "Are you sure your ok?"

Him: "I've been hit harder than that fore."

I try to free my skis again.

Me: "Are you sure your ok?"

Him: "Could you do me a favor?"

Me: "Sure:

Him: "Could you tell me where I am bleeding from"

Me: "Shit man..Why didn't you tell me you were bleeding? Your bleeding from your lip"

Him: "Alright man, thanks."

Anyway. Eventually he moves his feet so I can get up. I ski one more run and then go inside and call it a day. I had a sharp pain right under my knee for about a week, but no major injuries. Sorry that this story sucked. Have a good day.

Yall know what to do!

2008-02-06T16:17:00.000-06:00

Here is Mine:

Email them to BBTriple2004@yahoo.com and I will post them here.

Energy Crisis

2008-01-30T10:47:00.000-06:00

I just watched a documentary on the History channel about the impending oil crisis on our planet. I am decided. There is not much I can do to make a difference, so, I shall do what I always do. I will Cover up my depression over the issue with humor and ignore the disastrous results.

I have been thinking a lot about solutions to the energy crisis and have outlined below my four point plan to save our world. I will submit this plan to Barack O Bama for consideration.

Idea #1 - Harness the power of Asteroids.

Every year tons of debris burn up in our atmosphere. If you ask me, that is a ton of wasted energy. While NASA is too busy playing with their remote control cars on Mars, our country is going to shit. They should be focusing on harnessing the power of burned Meteors. With all the wireless technology nowadays, I am sure Bluetooth could develop a way to wirelessly transmit the energy to us. This would avoid a Tower of Babel type situation where we all end up speaking different languages, AGAIN. Get it together people. Call your congressman.

Idea #2 - There are sure a lot of fat people around here.

When I see all these fat bellies jingling around, all I can think of is the amount of TV that could be powered by the burning of that fat. I say we force fat people to run on non electrical treadmills for at least an hour per day. We then harness the energy created from this to save our known world. I have crunched the numbers and if a 400lb fat woman runs for an hour per day, we could cut our oil consumption by .001% over the next three years. Wouldn't it be ironic if the fat people ended up saving the world. They would all be heroes. On the cover of all the magazines. Until they were skinny of course.

Idea #3 - Immigration + Gravity = Energy Independence.

We force the Mexicans to walk a tremendous upward sloped ramp to enter our country. I am talking miles high. They have to roll a pyramid sized block to the top of the ramp. If they make it to the top of the ramp, they are forced to used a serious of ropes and ladders to climb down into our country. Once at the top of the ramp, they push the block off the edge. The energy gathered from the block falling to earth is harnessed to replace oil consumption. Brilliant.

Idea #4 - Combination

This is simply a combination of the three ideas. It involves (this will be on big run on sentence) fat Mexicans walking up a non electric tread mill type ramp and when at the top riding meteorites back to the surface of the earth. If you were to give me the "gun to the head" test on which idea was the best, I would go with this one.

God Bless America

Dreamy Cigs

2008-01-16T13:30:00.000-06:00

First things first:

Days without smoking = 15.5

Money Saved = $58.13

Tar coughed up = yuck

Me given out "I told ya so's" = >10

I did manage to get sick right after the new year. I have never really gotten over it. It comes and goes. I just keep telling myself that the sickness would be a lot worse if I smoked. Getting sick all the time was one of the main reasons I quit. It really sucks that I have been sick since the day I quit. I shall not smoke again.

My Dream:

Dreams have been fascinating me lately. I have been doing some experimentation with Lucid dreaming. This blog will not be about that though. Frankly, you couldn't handle it. So here's the dream.

Every person I run into keeps telling me that I need to rent a specific movie. I can't remember the name of the movie, but it wasn't anything I had heard of before. I finally give in and decide to rent the movie. I walk into the video store and go straight to the counter and ask for the movie. The employee looks at me and says "Are you serious?" I say yes. He then walks to the back. He comes back up to the counter with his hand behind his back. He quickly produces a squirt gun and shoots me dead in the face with water. Everyone in this little video store starts laughing. See, it is one big inside joke. Some people know about it and some don't. You ask for this movie title and you get shot in the face.

Now, normally I would think something like this would be awesome. But here is the thing, IT IS MY FUCKING DREAM!! How can there be anything going on that I don't already know about? I was tricked. There was an idea "out there" in the dreamworld that existed before I even found out about it. I didn't find out about it until I was squirted in the face. I have had several other situations that lead me down the same path.

Here are a couple explanations:

A) I just happened to get squirted with water and then created the idea of the practical joke.

B) Your outside world experience, which seems to have things outside of our complete knowledge and control, is actually being created by us just like our dreams are.

C) The dreamworld is not a place that is completely in your head. It is a seperate place that you go where things exist independantly of your thoughts.

D) Drugs are bad.

Either way. Dreams are one of the coolest things that happen to us. I cannot believe that there is not much more research on dreaming than there is. I went to the bookstore recently and every single dream book was about how if you dream about a butterfly you will shit yellow poop the next day. Hogwash. If some of you do not remember your dreams, let me know. I will give you some tips on it. I am now to the point where I can remember at least 1 dream every single night. I can also remember a lot more details about my dreams. I used to think that dreams were very vague. They are not. We just do not remember the details. Unless you practice.

Take care.

Barack OBOOYAH

2008-01-09T10:05:00.000-06:00

Lets talk a little bit about the election that is to come. I am going to focus on Barack because he is obviously the canidate of interest right now. That title has nothing to do with his performance or my support. I just wanted to prove my cleverness once again. Lord knows if I was to officially endorse any canidate it would be done live on the Daily Show.

I was going to go on a side tangent about how Ron Paul did not do anything his supporters thought he was going to do. But I will leave it alone. It is not polite to talk about the deceased.

I kid...I kid. I know nothing of his Politics.

I believe Mr. Paul and Mr. Kucinich are going to start touring. Performing as a two man, odd couple type show. At one point I think they do an entire dance with Dennis on Ron's shoulders. It is breathtaking. The show is called R & D on D & R.

On to Barack. I am in the process of reading his book. So I am seriously trying to figure out where I stand. I was listening to him on NPR this morning and I think I put my finger on my problem with him. No concrete ideas. The thing with Obama is that he doesn't deny that he doesn't have any concrete ideas/policies. He simply says that it is more important to get people focused in the right direction than to have a clear idea the best way to make that direction work. Here is a segment from the interview.

NPR : I Assume you will still be talking about change?

Obama : Well, Change, but in very specific terms. I think that one of the points I have been trying to make over the last several weeks is that, when I talk about change, It is not some gauzy pie in the sky change. I am talking about making sure we have a Healthcare system where every American can get Healthcare that is as good as the healthcare I have as a member of congress.....

NPR : Although, that is something...Just to take that specific goal, is something people have been trying for years and have had only incrimental success. Can you name one concrete thing you can do that any of the other canididates would not do, to move things forward?

Ready for some concrete ideas?

Obama : It is going to require the American people...enlisting them in putting pressure on congress for us to make it happen. This is part of the point that I have been trying to make Steve. There are no shortage of plans out there. There are no shortage of policy papers. This is not a technical problem. It is a problem of politics. It is a problem of getting a big enough coalition of people who are organized, inspiried, mobalized, and will then put pressure on those who are elected in combination with a president who is able to lead in order to get it done. There are no magic solutions here. The problems that we face, wether it is climate change or healthcare or making college more affordable or dealing with our foreign policy is less a problem of getting the perfectly calibrated policy. It has to do with, are we able to get people to work in the same direction? And that's what I can do.

When Obama starts out here, he is clearly trying to put down the idea that his idea of change is not some pie in the sky idea. His entire last statement confirms that it indeed is. I can appreciate the CEO who can delegate and inspire the true talent but I think I am going to need some concrete ideas before I can support this man.

It is almost like he is saying that We the people should be putting pressure on elected officials so that they can then make the people put even more pressure on elected officials.

On the other hand:

His speech after the Iowa caucus was pretty damn good. I seriously am concerned about the idea of someone assasinating Obama or Clinton. My worst fear is that people get lined up behind Obama as our saviour and he gets taken out. It will be devestating. It will be like JFK all over again.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-27T14:28:00.000-06:00

Hello to all my little baby angels.

I had an excellent Christmas. I fiured that those of you who have not purchased gifts for me yet would need a list of what to send. Here ya go.

I received an X-box 360 and now need the following components.

- Wireless Reciever.
- Call of Duty 4
- Rock Band w/ instruments
- Extra Controllers

Please be sure to ship priority.

In the interest of keeping this blog from dying again, I will attempt to write on here twice a month even though it may not be interesting.

New Years Resolutions.

1) Quit smoking. I have purchased the patches and am determined to quit. I was going to quit a couple of weeks ago but now I figure I will just wait until New Years. Wish me the luck.

2) Lose weight. I am tempted to post a shirtless picture on here to hold myself to this resolution. My fear is that this picture may crash the Blogger server from so many hits from the ladies. Ohhhh Yeeeah.

I never usually make resolutions but this year shall be different. You all should make some resolutions as well. I dare ya.

I think I need to share with you all a new game I have been playing while bored at work. You can find it here. It is kind of like tetris but with a twist. It is hard. I have no idea how people get the scores they are getting. I have yet to break 200,000.

Everyone have a good new year. Look Ma no cussing.

I am scared as shit.

2007-12-11T08:24:00.000-06:00

Hello all. I have just realized that I am able to blog blogs from work again! I was able to acess my blog due to a Proxy that Bean set up, but I was unable to execute anything. I could not watch videos, submit things, etc...

Is anyone even still coming to this site? If you are, thanks for the continued support. I have been taking classes on how to be funny so you are in for some real treats. So, on to why I am scared as shit...

The Cuban missle crisis was a direct threat to the United States. That is the only reason I say it was a scarier time than what we are going through right now. There are no real direct threats to us but the perfect storm is brewing. (If you have seen "Windy City Heat" please picture Perry stirring the pot). I only watch/listen to the news periodically, but the amount of different shit I have heard has me scared as shit. Hence the title - Scared as shit.

1) Oil producing countries such as Dubai have enough money to seriously fuck us up. Right now Dubai has $800 billion in cash to invest however it chooses. One thing it could do is buy up a lot of US treasury notes and then sell them all in one day. The FED would then be forced to raise Interest rates to prevent the collapse of the dollar. We already know that the FED is lowering the interest rates as I am typing this. Would Dubai ever do this? No. They are to interdependant on the US to do this. They want our economy to do well. If they could effect us in such a huge way, imagine the little effects they could have with this money.

2) China + Russia + Iran = A three headed shit scary monster.

China has enough people that if they decided to eat all the Americans they could only survive for 35 minutes. Artificially keeping their currency low. From what I gather this makes Chinese goods cheaper to import. American goods more expensive to export. Guess what this does to our jobs? Since toy companies only look at the bottom line all of the jobs go to the communists. Maybe once the lead paint lawsuits start hitting the companies will reconsider how moving jobs to China will effect their bottom line. Either way China is becomming a big scary super power who is only kind of an ally and may eat us all. Scary shit.

Russia - Putin has basically announced the following - "I will rule Russia for the rest of my life and fuck America." "I will sell stuff to iran that allows them to further their Nuclear weapons program." (make no mistake, as much as Bush sucks...Iran is after weapons).

Iran - Do I even need to say anything about this? Scary shit.

Venezuala - Scary shit. Although there is a strong grass roots movement going on by students to keep Hugo Chavez from being in power forever.

Everyone hates us. We are going to run out of our own oil. The countries we have to buy oil from want to suicide bomb us. Our dollar is the lowest it has ever been (I made that stat up). Our president is a dingbat. The White House press secretary doesnt even know what the Cuban missle crisis was!!! Google that shit. I am not too impressed with any of the canidates. Putin is starting the cold war. Chavez is going to cut us off from oil. Dubai is rich. Doom and Gloom I know but there is some really really scary shit going on.

I'll just keep playing my video games.

Boo....

2007-10-18T22:16:00.001-05:00

BOO!

Summer Games

2007-06-27T19:54:00.000-05:00

Kick the Can:

One of the fondest memories I have from when I was a kid was playing Kick the Can! The basic principle of the game we played was to kick the can. This game usually involved a group of 10+ people. One person would stand near the can (which was usually a ball of some sort). They would close their eyes and count to 30 while everyone else scattered. If you were of the scattered, your mission was to sneak up and kick the can before you were seen. If the person guarding the can noticed you, they would jump over the can/ball and yell “over the can on Bleach”. Or, “Over the can Billy”. Or, “Over the can on David Letterman”. Since we were childhood friends. If you were “over the caned”, you were placed in can jail. If someone managed to kick the can, everyone in jail would be allowed to scatter again. If everyone was captured, then the first person caught became “it”. This game was a freaking blast. I remember playing for hours. A lot of time we would be forced to stop because it was getting dark and people could no longer see to “over the can” your ass. Did any of you ever play this game growing up and if so, did you have different rule variations?

Sharks and Minnows:

This game was played in the pool. Usually in the deep end. One person was in the middle of the deep end and the other 5-7 kids were standing on the side. The goal was to swim from one side to the other without getting touched by the shark If you were touched, you became a shark. This game was fun considering there is sometimes nothing to do in the pool. There is only so many times you can bust your face on the ladder yelling “Marco”. There is also only so many times you can pass out trying to hold your breath for 2 minutes. There is also only one time you can tie yourself up with rope, from one of those circle life saver things, and jump in the deep end exclaiming to everyone that you are an escape artist and will make it out alive. Yes, I actually did this.

Water Fights:

The water fights we used to have were epic battles that turned boys into men. I have decided that the description of our water fights needs to be an entirely different blog involving schematics and a lot of imagery. I assure you it will put to shame any water fight you ever thought of having.

The End:

I hope you have enjoyed these two summer games. I am going to really make an effort to blog more frequently. This blog has really not had enough fresh content this year. This is because I had both of my hands cut off by this gas powered toenail clipper. They have been surgically reattached and my typing skills are back. Have a good 4^th of July!

Abbey of Gethsemani

2007-06-19T20:01:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I took a trip down to the Abbey of Gethsemani located in Trappist, KY. My pop had been to this place on retreats in the past and he thought that I may like to have the experience. The Abbey is most well known for a monk by the name of Thomas Merton who lived there. Thomas Merton became a pretty well known author and there are tons of books about him and by him. Needless to say the trip did provide me with some insights into my soul but those insights are really for me alone. This blog will be more just my general observations of what this place is like.

Here is the monks daily scheduled. First of all, they are in church 8 times a day, starting at 3:15AM.

3:15 am Vigils
5:45 am Lauds
6:15 am Eucharist
7:30 am Terce
12:15 pm Sext
2:15 pm None
5:30 pm Vespers
7:30 pm Compline
7:45 pm Rosary

From 8:00 in the morning until 12:00, The Monks work. They make cheese and fudge and sell it via direct mail to support the Monastery. From 12:00 - 4:00 they may choose to do more work, read a spiritual text or pray. One thing they may not choose to do is watch TV. Never. I said Never. They do however read newspapers and have access to the internet. They use these mediums to keep up with what is going on in the world and to know what to pray about. After the 7:45pm Rosary the monks go to bed. They then get up and start there day all over again. Here is a picture of them from the website.

These are the monks while they are in church.

These type of monks live by the "Rules of St. Benedict". These rules include the vows the monks take (chastity, poverty, etc..) as well as the fact that they offer an area for retreat. The rules state that their Monastery must have a retreat house where people may come to spiritually regroup. The Retreat house is very nice. It is basically like a motel. The retreat house and the Monastery are joined via the chapel. There are signs all throughout the place that state "Silence is spoken here". You are expected to not speak in most areas of this place. There is a whole lot of just be-ing.

When we arrived they informed me that I would be staying in the monks wing instead of in the retreat house. The monks wing does not have AC and they share a restroom. Pretty similar to a college dorm. When we asked the monk that checked us in why my dad got a room in the retreat house and I got a room in the monks wing, he said "Maybe it is prophetic". I assure you that I could not achieve in many more lifetime the level of dedication to spirituality these men have attained.

There is not really to much more to say. If you are interested in the place I suggest to check out the website. I can't really say what I did because I did a lot of nothing. If you all have any questions about the place I will do my best to answer them. Peace.

Area Hero Prevents Further Injury by Friends and Family

2007-05-25T09:53:00.000-05:00

Here is a fantastic story that Bleach emailed me. We decided it should go on his blog. ~Foo

So. On my way home on Tuesday? Or was it Monday? The night we went to sportstime.

I was on that road that runs into a T with Spring St. I was getting ready to turn left to go back to Louisville. There is another street directly across spring street from that street. I look down there and see a lot of commotion. There is a truck parked in the middle of that street and I see a bunch of people running around and a whole bunch of yelling. It looks like someone is getting jumped.

I stay parked there for about 2 minutes watching it all and then I start think that someone might shoot a gun. Because people are diving back into the truck and whatnot. I decide that I am directly in the line of fire and could maybe get shot. So I decide to pull off. For some reason instead of turning left, I decide to go straight for the action.

So I head towards the fight. About six people jump into the truck and speed off. I see a couple of people crouched down by someone who is laying on the ground. I get out of the truck and walk towards the scene and see that it is a woman who couldn't be more than 22 laying there.
Everyone is freaking out and whatnot and I ask what the hell happened.
Her piece of shit boyfriend then tells me that all those guys were jumping him and they took a swing at him with a metal pipe. They missed and clocked this girl in the head. So I immediately have to get all these people off of this girl because they are moving her around and touching her head and whatnot. This girl was pretty jacked up. She keeps fading in and out of consciousness and goes from screaming to docile to passed out in the matter of seconds.

I keep yelling her name and telling her to stay awake and I am yelling at all these white trash idiots to call an ambulance. She keeps passing out on me and I keep having to scream at her to get her to open her eyes back up. All the while fighting off her mom and boyfriend who keep trying to move her. Then this 45 year old guy who looks like he was sleeping in the alley comes running toward me telling me to get out the way. He says "I am trained in CPR, I have been certified for 4 years now!". He then tries to get me out of the way and I basically have to push him back to explain that she doesn't need CPR because she is breathing and has a pulse. He keeps trying to give her CPR with me pushing him off of her until she snaps back into consciousness and starts screaming. Then he gets the picture. So, the cops show up and start taking statements and I left once I heard the ambulance getting pretty close. But, all in all it was a messed up trip home.

Later, when I told my wife this story, I decided Bleach was a hero. Not because he saved that girl's life, but because he prevented her from being hurt worse by her friends. ~Foo

Conversation with my Mom.

2007-02-26T23:26:00.000-06:00

ME: "I went and checked out the Louisville Athletic Club (LAC) today during lunch. They have a cardio theater! It is just like a movie theater except there are cardio machines where the chairs would be. I think I will join. The place is SWEET!"

MOM: "I think that for someone your age it is perfectly o.k. to say "SWEET". But, for someone my age it wouldn't sound right."

ME: "People my age don't really even say SWEET anymore."

MOM: "What do they say?"

ME: "Dope"

MOM: "Dope? What do you mean Dope?"

ME: "I would say, The Louisville Athletic Club is dope"

MOM: "Dope like drugs?"

ME: "It is probably derived from that but it has nothing to do with drugs."

MOM: "I don't think I could say sweet or dope."

ME: "I want you to use both SWEET and DOPE tomorrow at work in the correct context and see what happens."

MOM: "HAHAHA. HEHEHE. AHA, AHA." (Someday I will record my moms laugh and let you all get a good listen. I assure you it is a wide array of noises.)

ME: "I am Leaving."

MOM: "Do you want to play bowling on your birthday?"

ME: "Play Bowling? I think you can just say Bowling."

MOM: "HAHAHA. HEHE. UH-HAH. HEHE."

Sometimes I lock my mom in the pantry and imitate her laugh until she sits on the floor of the pantry from laughing too hard.

The End.

How many look alikes can one man have?

2007-02-25T13:14:00.000-06:00

For the past 10 years, every time I meet someone new, the person I meet says they know someone who looks exactly like me.

"You two could be brothers!" They say.

In the past month, this has happened to me three times. I thought I would share these three separate circumstances.

Number 1:

I go to this gas station by my work to by gas and cigarettes. Here is the conversation.

Girl: "I have to ask you, what high school did you go to."

Me: "St. X."

(Girl just shakes her head) Girl: "Nevermind"

Me: "Let me guess, you know someone that looks exactly like me?"

Girl: "Unfortunately"

I would like to hope that the "Unfortunately" stemmed from ill feelings associated with my twin. Not the fact that I look unfortunate. Glass is half full.

Number 2:

Sitting at my cubicle at work minding my own business.

Co-worker (female) : "We just saw someone at the buffet that could have been your twin. This guy had long hair."

Me: "That doesn't surprise me, I get that a lot."

Co-Worker: "Well, let me just say that you would not look good with long hair."

Me: "Thanks. I actually had long hair for a couple years."

Co-Worker: Silence. Walks away.

Number 3:

This actually happened last night while at White Castle. I made my way up to the counter to order my food at about midnight. This red neck white castle chick keeps staring at me.

White Castle : "Hey Martha, you know who I dun thought that wuzz?"

Martha: (While inspecting my head) "No, who...?"

Me: "Can I please order my food?"

White Castle: "Crazy Chris. Don't he look just like Crazy Chris?"

Martha: "Yeah he does."

I feel somewhat ashamed that I have the appearance of someone who the White Castle employees have labeled Crazy Chris.

I have not made any of these stories up. These all have happened recently. I need to do my best to start looking like more upstanding people. Because at this point in my life I look like a long haired, unfortunate, Crazy Chris. Bummer.

You

2007-01-29T21:23:00.000-06:00

Check this out.

Remember. The human body is around 60% water.

Why Medicare Part D is a Nightmare!

2007-01-24T18:13:00.000-06:00

This is going to be a serious blog about how Medicare Part D has impacted people at my work. I was prompted to write this blog while listening to the state of the Union address last night. The quote that struck me was,

"And in all we do, we must remember that the best health care decisions are made not by government and insurance companies, but by patients and their doctors."

While I thought the speech was pretty good for the most part. I feel that Medicare Part D, which is exactly a uniting of our government and insurance companies, is a direct contradiction to this statement.

I am going to do my best to make this blog make sense to others who are not in my field. Please remember, I do not claim to know all there is to know about Medicare Part D. I am only going on what I have been told through my work. We are one of the three largest pharmacies in the country, so I believe that we have pretty up to date information on the topic.

When Medicare Part D was first introduced, I kept seeing commercials for pharmacies that would say things like "bring in a list of the medications you are on and we will tell you which Medicare D plan is right for you." I assumed that this was because there were some Medicare D plans for low end drugs and some for high end drugs. Maybe a plan for drugs that have no generic form yet and one for drugs that do. Maybe a plan that focuses specifically on cardio- pulmonary drugs and one that focuses on chemo treatments. I was wrong. What this actually meant is which insurance company that is already established will be providing your Medicare D benefit. For example: Humana got together a list of drugs that they will cover under Medicare Part D and provides this list to pharmacies. If more of your drugs are on Humana's list than Blue Cross Blue Shields list, then you should sign up with Humana.

The problem comes in when you look at these drug lists. We are going to use Vancomycin for our example. Vancomycin is a very strong antibiotic. It is generally (and maybe always) given in IV form. It is safe to say that if you are on Vancomycin then you are fighting off something that without treatment, would more than likely end your life. Vanomycin comes in many forms. I am going to list them here.

250 milligram vials
500 milligram vials
1 gram vials
10 gram vials
100 gram bulk vials
500 milligram Ad-Vantage vials
1 gram Ad-Vantage vials

It is not important that you know what all the differences in these vials are, it is only important that you know that there are many different forms. Now, for each of these vials, there are different manufactures. Each manufacture labels their vial with a unique identifier known as an NDC number. So for Vancomycin 10 gram vials you might have 5 manufactures with 5 different NDC numbers. Now back to our insurance companies.

When the insurance companies who were going to be providers for Medicare Part D made their drug list, they did not just write Vancomycin on the list. Instead they wrote something like Vancomycin 10 gram with NDC ###-###-####. Now each insurance company that created a list did the same thing. The problem is that they did not have any guidelines to use the same drug vial size or NDC number as any other insurance company. Now, why is this a problem?

1) Nobody is able to carry enough inventory to accept Medicare part D. Lets say a patient is getting released from the hospital and the doctor orders 100 mg of vancomycin every 8 hours. This is 300mg of the drug a day. If the patient has Humana (for exmaple) you must use 3 100mg vials, according to their list, or you will not get paid. If the patient has Blue Cross, you must use 1 1gram vial, or you will not get paid. Not only must you use this size vial, but you must have the same NDC number that the insurance company has authorized. So your inventory must now include every size vial from every specific manufacturer for every possible insurance that provides for Medicare Part D. Does that sound like a sensible way to provide healthcare?

2) A pharmacist gets word that patient needs to be placed on Vancomycin for a serious infection. The vial type that needs to be used is on backorder. The Pharmacy is supposed to use a 500mg vial but only has 1 gram vials in stock. If this pharmacy fills the order with 1 gram vials, THE INSURANCE COMPANY IS NOT GOING TO PAY. So guess what happens, they pharmacy turns the patient away. The MD calls round trying to find a pharmacy to provide the medication but guess what, nobody accepts Medicare part D because nobody can afford to. So if a pharmacist decides to dispense with the incorrect vial size (although there is absolutely no difference in the drug) this pharmacist has now commited a crime called fraud.

So does this sound like patient care is being left up to the MD and patient or up to our government and insurance companies?

SNOWSHOE, 2007

2007-01-21T21:52:00.000-06:00

Hello to all...

2007-01-08T19:03:00.000-06:00

I am sorry that I haven't been posting. As I stated, Websense has really hit me hard in the blogging department. I hope everyone has had a good Christmas and New Years. I really just decided to write and say that the worst part of my day is when Alex interviews the Jeopardy contestents.

I also need to say that everyone should see Little Miss Sunshine.

I heard that polar bears have been placed on the endangered species list. Can anyone confirm or deny?

Man vs. Wild is a great show on the Discovery channel. Check it out.

I got me one of dem I-pods for Christmas and I love it to death.

Peace.

Jury Duty 3

2006-12-21T21:32:00.000-06:00

I am sorry that I haven't been able to update as often as I would like to. This Websense thing at work has really put an end to all blogging. As promised, here is an in depth look at our justice system. I really can't muster the enthusiasm to write an extremely long blog, but I will do my best.

Letter in the mail

The way Jury duty works in Indiana is a pain in the ass. If selected for possible jury duty, you are "on call" all year round. You receive a letter on Friday explaining that you might have to appear in court the following Monday. It instructs you to call the court house "throughout the weekend" to see if you are to appear. I received about six of these letters throughout the year. I actually called the number at least 4 of those times. The last time I called....I had to go.

Jury Selection

There were about 75 people in the court room. After about an hour of waiting the judge came out and laid down the ground rules. We then watched a very informative video about the benefits of being on a jury. Funny the video didn't mention that if someone pooped in the jury room bathroom, all the other jurors were forced to sit there and smell it. Leaving the room was not an option. Holding your poop was an option. I held my poop. But I sidetrack....

They call 6 numbers at random and you have to go sit in the jury seats while the lawyers ask you questions. The lawyers then read off a list of everyone involved with the case to give us a chance to say if we know any of them. Since this was in Indiana, 50% of the room knew someone involved with the case. Also, since we were in Indiana...the dumbass potential jurors didn't seem to realize that the question was only intended for the six people being questioned. So everyone starts blurting out..."I know trooper Banet...", " I know Dr. Savorki"... etc..

You know what...I really don't feel like finishing this blog. I am not in the mood to make it funny so it would be a waist of your time anyway. I will just say that some dumbass on a motorcycle (riding without a helmet or a license) ran into a car pulling out of an ice cream shop. The Motorcycle rider was suing the ice cream shop because he claimed that the car driver could not see to pull out. Bottom line....he didn't get any money and he wasted my time. I am starting to think that "loser pays" is a pretty good idea. This means that whoever loses a case is responsible for all court costs involved. These law suits are getting out of hand.

I hop everyone has a good Christmas. I will produce some better content in the near future.

Peace. Love. And fuck PETA. Seriously, PETA is a wacko organization.

WebnonSense

2006-12-15T19:03:00.000-06:00

My work has decided to lay the "websense" smackdown. This means I cannot go to any site that is not approved by work. This includes my blog. Little do they know how vital visiting blogs is to my work. A few months with no recreational web browsing might cause me to FREAK OUT on people at work. At any rate...Until my computer savy cousin figures out a way for me to hack through this nonsense, bloggin at work will cease. I will still try and update as often as I can but I apologize in advance for not commenting enough on your guyszes blogss. Peace love hope and hapiness to all.

Jury Duty 2

2006-12-12T10:07:00.000-06:00

Jury duty ended last night. I must write a very long blog to sum up the experience of delivering justice. Yesterday was a 12 hour jury day. Now I am back at work. To them, I have been off on vacation for a week. To me, I have been in hell for a week. Now I have to catch up on my work while I feel I should actually be on a lavish vacation. This sucks.

Jury Duty

2006-12-06T18:58:00.000-06:00

I am on Jury duty....I assure all that hilarity will be ensuing next week. I might of mispelled hilarity and ensued and possibly "week".

Fall down log....

2006-11-29T15:09:00.000-06:00

Well I guess since nobody else is writing any damn blogs, I shall. First I would like you to take the next 5 minutes and do a little project. Look at the title of my blog. Look at it! Get a piece of paper. OK. Now. Write down a list of 5 things that this blog could possibly be about. Once you have your list you may continue reading, and see that none of them were correct. If any were correct, please fax your list to 502-266-8819 and I will send you a picture of me.

Today we had a staff meeting at work. I work at a pharmacy, so we are constantly having staff meetings telling us what new paperwork Larry Feathers is making us fill out so we don't go to jail. This basically means that we are required to fill out a lot of forms for the government since we are paid by medicaid. I don't know if this paticular form was invented and implemented by Larry Feathers but we have to fill it out none the less. It is called the "fall down log".

If at any point a patient of ours mentions to us that they have fallen down, we have to write their name on a log. This log then has to be followed up on by a clinical person (Pharmacist or Nurse). I guess this means that they have to call the patient and make sure that they are not experiencing any problems due to the recent fall. I could maybe understand this if we worked in any other type of medical facility other than a pharmacy. Patients don't even come to our pharmacy. We are a home care pharmacy.

I have created some of my own logs that I believe are as important as the "fall down log".

1. The tripped and almost fell down but caught yourself right before log.
2. The ran over your foot with a lawn mower log
and
3. The multiple fall down log. For the faller who falls more than once a week. (Like my mom)

In all seriousness and to prevent the posting of a blog that is cuss word free. (Or as Tara would say "evil free")

This is all a bunch of bullshit. The time it takes trained clinical professionals to jump through such hoops as filling out a "fall down log" is less time that is devoted to actual patient care. The shortage of pharmacists and nurses in our country is pretty significant. We should really look at where our priorities are in this profession.

That is all.

Travel

2006-11-22T08:24:00.000-06:00

I just read that 38 million people are traveling today. holy crap! That got me a thinkin of an idea that I had a while back that you guys are sure to vocally disagree with. I think that one day a month, no semis should be allowed on the road. I was reminded of this today when this trucker almost clipped the front of my car. I think they should at least test this idea for a couple months. If the "coke" and "speed" trend for that month correlates, then we should make it a new tradition.

The Election

2006-11-09T08:59:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to go over a few of my ideas on the recent election. I have learned a lot of interesting things and also have a few opinions to share.

I am getting pretty sick of some dumbass democrats acting as if they just won the world series. Now I say this being a liberal myself. I think that a lot of people who deserved to stay in their positions just lost because people did the only thing they thought they could do, which was make a change. I heard a lot of Senators saying that people would come up to the and say "I like what your doing in Washington, but I just can't vote for you again." The difference between the world series and an election is that if you win the world series you are done. If you win an election, you are playing your first game tomorrow. I come from an area that is very engulfed in sports. The fans of whoever wins the U of L vs U of K game comes into work the next day rubbing it in the others face. This is what is going on with the a lot of democrats. In your face Republicans! Give me a break. Democrats are setting theirselves up for failure. The bottom line is that the issues that our Houses of government are facing right now are some of the toughest that have EVER existed. It would be a tall order for anyone. The people who were doing a good job (such as Anne Northrup) should have been re-elected. I hope that the Democrats can live up to all their gloating over winning. If they can't...Rush Limbaugh might be so excited that his head will explode.

Now...This being said...People are behaving this way because our President is a dumbass. A week before the election Mr. Bush says that Rumsfeld will be our Defense Secretary until Bush is out of office. As soon as the Democrats win the House and the Senate he resigns?? Good to see that the USA's intelligence is as good as ever. If the admin. did know that the Democrats were going to win....then why the FUCK would Bush say that a week ago? Then again....asking why Bush says something is a common question nowadays. People were feeling that they were not being heard! They did the only thing they can do besides write a letter (which has always felt like a big waste of time to me). They blindly "made a mass change".

The one thing I liked about Geroge Bush is that he stood his ground no matter what. Everytime he spoke, about Iraq at least, he never waivered. I guess he had...ummm...Resolve, yeah thats it. I think the lesson to take from this is that if you don't pay attention to the will of the people, shit is going to hit the fan. I just don't know if this new shit is going to smell any better than the old shit. I really hope it does but time will tell.

Can you help out?

2006-11-02T22:26:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I was house sitting for my mom while she was out of town. All of the sudden she calls me from Houston with an extreme emergency.

"Brad, I was thinking....Can you tear down that little section of fence that is in the front yard?"

"Sure."

"ok."

This little fence consisted of four horizontal fence boards held up by three fence posts. The entire fenced area created half of a 6 ft square. This square was clearly put up to accent the absolute worst part of the front yard. Since this was an emergency I decided to get right to work. I got right out there with an axe and a shovel and began knocking the badookie out of this fence. I was about half way done when a guy pulled up in a pick-up truck that looked sort of like this:

Except this guy had a hat on over his afro.

He said:

"Hey man, do you put stuff together?"

I guess he assumed that since I was tearing down a fence, that I was some sort of Mr. fix it. I explained that I am generally pretty adept at putting stuff together. I then looked into the back of his truck and saw that he had a partially put together basketball goal back there. He told me that he wanted a little help putting the basketball goal all the way together. I say all the way because he had already put a lot of the pieces in all the wrong spots. He then starts to unload about 8-10 huge pieces and a Wal-Mart bag of 10 - 11 thousand little pieces out of the back of the truck. The entire time he is doing this I am trying to talk myself out of this ordeal. I explain that this kind of project could take me a complete day to accomplish. He just smiles and hands me a packet of directions. The first page looks similair to this:

• (1) 1/2-13 × 12” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (3) 3/8-16 × 3/4” stainless

steel hex head bolts, nuts,

and washers

• (4) 3/8-16 × 3-1/2” Bolts

• (8) 3/8” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 3/8” Lock Nuts

• (1) Rim Gasket

• (2) Molded Backboard Pads

• (1) Extension Pad for 72” Bkbrd.

• (8) Self-tapping Screws

• (8) Screw Protectors

• (1) 1/2 oz. bottle touch-up paint

• (1) Arrow decal

• (1) 1/2-13 × 12” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (1) 1/2-13 × 8” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (4) 1/2-13 × 1-1/2” Bolts

• (8) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (10) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (4) 1/2” Lock Nuts

• (2) Special 2” OD Nylon Washers -

Lower Arms to Backboard Tabs

Page 2

• (1) 1/2-13 × 9” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (1) 1/2-13 × 12” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (3) 3/8-16 × 3/4” stainless

steel hex head bolts, nuts,

and washers

• (4) 3/8-16 × 3-1/2” Bolts

• (8) 3/8” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 3/8” Lock Nuts

• (1) Rim Gasket

• (2) Molded Backboard Pads

• (1) Extension Pad for 72” Bkbrd.

• (8) Self-tapping Screws

• (8) Screw Protectors

• (1) 1/2 oz. bottle touch-up paint

• (1) Arrow decal

• (1) 1/2-13 × 12” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (1) 1/2-13 × 8” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

• (4) 1/2-13 × 1-1/2” Bolts

• (8) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (10) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (4) 1/2” Lock Nuts

• (2) Special 2” OD Nylon Washers -

Lower Arms to Backboard Tabs

Page 2

• (1) 1/2-13 × 9” Bolt

• (2) 1/2” Flat Washers (FW)

• (4) 1/2” Nylon Washers (NW)

• (1) 1/2” Lock Nut

I stared at my new buddy with amazement in my face. First of all he already told me that he had bought this at the good will. So the first step would be to go through this list and see what parts are missing. My guess would be at least 15% of them. I then start to load everything back in his truck while he is looking through the booklet explaining which steps he "keeps getting stuck on." In the end I told the man that I could not help him at all with his project and that my involvement would surely produce an end result that looked nothing like a basketball goal.

I feel sorry for anyone else that he drove by that day that had any sort of tool in their hand.

Blog a Blog

2006-11-02T13:00:00.000-06:00

I need to blog a new blog. I can't think of anything to write about.

Sometimes I laugh out loud at commercials. I saw this one commercial yesterday that was this guy doing a presentation for a TV show. He had his dad in there with him and his dad had on wings. The guys says "My show is about a fairy that sneaks into childrens rooms at night and steals all of their teeth." This part wasn't funny. At the end, the guy leans over to his dad and yells "Lets go dad, they're not buying it." At this point I started cracking up.

Lost is the best show ever made. I wish that everyone would get on the fucking bandwagon already. It is really impossible to watch unless you have followed all of the episodes. Everyone needs to rent the first and second seasons and watch them from beggining to end. Once this happens I will try and get you all the episodes they have shown so far from season three. I wish I could explain how good of a show it is once you are into it.

I don't care about women's kids who aren't in my family. There are a couple women at work who cannot get through an entire sentence without talking about their kids. This drives me fucking bonkers. I understand it is a big deal but please talk about something other than your kids for once in a goddamn while. Texas Tara, this does not go for you, I love hearing about the peanut.

Right now I am reading Conversations with God book three for about the 5th time and I am also reading "My Life" by Bill Clinton. I didn't realize that Bill Clinton came from such a weird childhood. I always assume that Presidents were brought up in two parent households, this was not the case with Clinton at all.

I am about to go to lunch with my buddy Bobby at work. Everyone please feel free to go to hell.

Gretting Cards

2006-10-25T18:54:00.000-05:00

Everytime it is some special day on this planet, we decide to celebrate by getting one another a greeting card. It always amazes me how much they tend to suck. A long time ago I really thought seriously about starting a greeting card company but I know it would be really hard to make any money doing so. Most of my cards would probably have the "f" word, or the "s" word...or the "fsf" word in them. I could only sell them at Speners Gifts and I hate that store. Here are some ideas I would like to throw at ya. If you have any ideas of your own, feel free to leave them. I will group them by which situation we will be using the card for. The format will be {picture on the outside of the card} followed by {text on the inside of the card}.

CATEGORY: Birthday:

Maybe if you ate minature meals, Your fat face and ass would be minature too!
Happy Birthday!

At first I thought this was you.
I now know its not, but man, you two could be sisters!
Happy Birthday

CATEGORY: Easter

You were an accident.

So I have hired the Easter Bunny to kill you.

Happy Easter!

FREAKS and GEEKS

2006-10-24T08:18:00.000-05:00

My friend turned me on to this show that was made back in 1999 and only aired for one season. It is one of the best shows I have ever watched. The writing is magnificent. It makes me sad that it was cancelled after only one season. If this show would have kept going, I believe it would have made television history. I have recently been watching the box set. I have only three epsiodes left and I am already sad. You all should check it out.

Who said you could wear jeans?

2006-10-11T16:11:00.000-05:00

I originally was not going to blog this blog but something happened today that changed my mind. It was customer service week last week. I guess this week celebrates anyone who has ever had a job that has dealt with a customer. I have no idea why they would dedicate an entire week to this. The percentage of people who have jobs that involve customers must be slim! Somewhere between 99.5 and 100%. Anywho, my company showed there support by giving us suckers with smiley faces on them. Now, while I am all for suckers, I tend not to like it when they say "Go the extra smile" on the stick. As a matter of fact, this pisses me right the fuck off. I put that sucker in my drawer until today. Today I ate it, got pissed off, and decided to execute a plan...

Here is some background you may need to know to help me execute this plan:

I work for a very large company. Fortune something or another. Every day we receive an email letting us know how much cash we brought in that day. The email also tells us if we are on track for our monthly goal. If we are on target, we get? A) New Cars. B) A kick into our profit sharing. (nevermind, we don't have that) C) to wear jeans the next day. You guessed it. We get to wear jeans the next day!!!

"Hey Bill, I know it's close to 5:00pm but will you go ahead and collect that extra 2 million so I can wear jeans tomorrow?"

"Sure Brad, I might try to get it up to 3 mil so you can wear no underpants and your new flamingo cap."

The whole idea of the "100 % of goal" = "jeans" is pretty ok with me. But then I started thinking. What if I am off that day? What if I am on vacation? What if I am too retarded to call and ask someone at work if we can wear jeans tomorrow? "All I'm saying is, somebody better make a fucking HOTLINE I can call!!!"

And so it was born....The Jeans Hotline! If you think I am kidding, here is the number. 1-888-773-7376 Dial 1 Then Ext: 23-4829.

I despise the idea and the actuality of The Jeans Hotline. I am dead set on making it no more. This is where you all come in.

The Plan:

I need everyone to use this hotline to determine if you can wear jeans to your work. I don't care if you are a beekeeper, a gymnist or a nudist colony local chapter head. If the jeans hotline says to wear jeans, wear them bitches! When your boss gets on you, just say "Hey pal, apprantly you aint heard. There is a hotline for this!" I have to believe that eventually, this hotline will be brought to the ground. It must!

Maybe once the cost of the jeans hotline is gone, we will meet our goal. And at that point my friends, I will be a jeans wearing, underpantsless, Customer Service god...going the extra smile! Fuck off!

Comming Soon...

2006-10-09T17:07:00.000-05:00

**Post will be available in English and Spanish.
**El poste estará disponible en inglés y español.

Teacher's make too little money

2006-10-04T08:03:00.000-05:00

Yes this is just another bleeding heart liberal rant from yours truly. And my solution will piss off you Karl Rove zombies even more.

I just thought of this on the way to work so I have not had a chance to think about how it would actually work. But, what if a percentage of your pay, for life, went back to the school/group of teachers you were taught by. I think I would be willing to contribute 1% of my lifetime earnings. I know it would be a lot easier for me than someone who makes a ton of money. This money could be split up between increasing teachers salaries, creating a board that monitors that teachers are doing their job. I know that this is basically how public education is funded now via our taxes and education spending, but we need to figure out a way to bypass the politics. Straight to the teachers!

There are three types of people in this world...

2006-09-12T09:19:00.000-05:00

Ken Towery's can go straight to hell....

2006-09-08T13:50:00.000-05:00

This post will only apply to those of us who live in the Kentuckiana area, but the principle can be applied to all places. All places, that is, that have shit face motherfuckers who operate auto service centers that rip people off on a daily basis. I was over in Indiana paying my car payment, and when I returned to my vehicle it would not start. I called up Ken Towery's and explained exactly what I was experiencing with my car and asked how much it would be to bring it in and diagnose the problem. $20 bucks! WOW! What a good deal. So I paid the $40 to have it towed. After my car was towed to their parking lot, they then explained it would actually be $80 to tell me exactly what was wrong with my car. Later that day one of the bastards that works there called and informed me that my fuel pump was bad and it would be $1000 to fix. He explained that it was $550 just for the part. I am not sure if most people know this, but you can buy damn near every part for your car at Auto Zone. I called auto zone and they informed me it was actually $330 for the part. I then used the following formula to figure out how full of shit this place was.

(Actual Cost of Part)/(Lied to Cost of Part) = Percent Full of Shit

or ACP / LCP - PFS.

In this case I determined that Ken Towery's was 60% full of shit. It only takes 35% to get into hell.

I suggest others utilize this formula when dealing with mechanics.

Long story short I had my car towed to a reliable mechanic and he fixed my car for about half the cost. I will have a new post shortly about him and his auto shop so those who live here in town can send business his way.

Ken Towery's: you are evil! I hope you enjoy working on the Satanmobile while you are living with satan in hell!

Croc Hunter has died...

2006-09-05T12:32:00.001-05:00

I was really surprised how saddened I was that the Crocadile hunter was killed. I am sure most of you are aware of this but if not, here is a link to the news story.

http://news.yahoo.com/fc/entertainment/steve_irwin

Steve Irwin was fabulous. He was so passionate about his work. I know that the rhyme and reason of life is beyond explanation, but I think anyone would be hard pressed to figure out why he has died. This is my ode to the Croc hunter!!

Weird...

2006-08-25T12:46:00.000-05:00

I have recently got in trouble for surfing the World wide wizeb at work. So I am typing this entire thing without looking at the actual screen. I have it shrunk down really small so nobody can see it. It must look like I am simply practicing my typing to become a super employee!!

The reason for this post is this:

When i was a kid, something really strange would always happen to me. Most of the time it would happen as I was watching TV, but it sometimes happened when I was doing other things. I would be sitting on the couch and all of the sudden it would seem like the TV was real far away from me. There was a distinct feeling that came with this. It was almost as if everything was going in slow motion. I would start to say things out loud and they would sound really strange. It was like I was really far away from everything physical. This is kind of a hard thing to explain, I was just wondering if anyone has ever experienced anything similar to this. I apologize for any grammar mistakes in this but I can't see what the fuck I am typing! I will blog another blog soon.

Man, this was a good typing [practice session! My fingers feel so fluid and I am stroking keys with intensity!

Plane Ticket

2006-08-02T09:12:00.000-05:00

I have a free flight to anywhere that southwest goes. I have been to Texas and Florida a bunch o times. I am trying to think of somewhere new to go. Anyone have any ideas?? I wonder if they fly to New York? Maybe I will have a bad experience and get another free flight out of the deal.

New Blog

2006-08-01T08:03:00.000-05:00

I figure it is about damn time I gave you all something new to read. So here it is.

First things first, I had a pretty good weekend. I stayed at this Bed and Breakfast in Indiana called Ben and Stephs house. The weekend was full of ice cream, fire trucks, humidity and beer. It was good times. I bet Ben will get off his ass today and blog a blog about the block party on Saturday in which I dressed up like a fireman. A couple women mistook me as a stripper but I settled them down real quick. Anyway, good times, I appreciate you all letting me stay there Ben and Steph. And shout outs to Stacie, Alex and Arthur for making the weekend that much more special.

Second things second , I gotta quit smoking. Jesus Christ. No more needs to be said. I quit for six months last year and I felt great. Then I got drunk in Dallas and that was all she wrote. I am going to quit soon. As soon as I finish those five cartons!

Third thing third, we have our softball tournament on Wednesday. If everything goes as plan we will come in dead last. Wish me luck.

Everyone have a kick ass day and rest of the week.

Bush

2006-07-17T12:33:00.000-05:00

I promise that I am not just one of those Bush haters, but I heard a statement from our president that has me questioning his reasoning. The quote was in regards to stem cell research. It was something to this effect:

"I do not condone the loss of life to save lives."

Does anyone else see how this quote might be contradictary to some other decisions this president has made?

Hmmm

2006-07-06T23:59:00.000-05:00

So everytime I sit down to write a blog that is not about radom silliness (sillyness?) who cares, I end up getting to flustered to write about anything. I guess it is kind of like when you get sick of having deep conversations. My friend Matt and I had a discussion about how sometimes the people you have the deepest conversations with end up being the people who you talk to least. I think this is because A) it never really amounts to anything worthwhile or B) It never really amounts to anything worthwhile. I was going to have something else for "B" but "A" pretty much sums it up. There is only so many times you can come to the conclusion that what you do in your day to day life/work is pretty much meaningless. Then again, is it as meaningfull as anything else you could be doing? Who knows. The point is that deep conversation (which is most of the time the only type of conversation I enjoy having) usually for me leaves me more depressed. And to quote "Waking Life" leads me to the question of "Which is the most prominent human characteristic, FEAR or LAZINESS?" I believe it is a combination of the two.

The point is this. Whatever it is that you do with your day to day life is because you choose to. Although that sounds relatively simple, it isn't. Our lives are made up of the things that we convince ourselves we have to do, in reality we do not have to do anything. I could go get in my car right now and drive to Mexico and never be heard from again. So could you. So next time you get down on yourself for doing things that you "Have to do", Remember, that whatever it is you are doing is comendable, because it was your choice. Taking care of your baby is comendable, because some do not. Saying "I love you" to someone is comendable, because some do not.

The reason I hear "Brad, you are crazy" at least once a week is because that is how I make the moments when deep conversation is damn near impossible tolerable. The only way to not make yourself crazy thinking about the meaning of life, for me, is take most of it with a grain of salt. Not putting much importance on anything.

I guess the only point of this is to say that if one day anyone of you dissappears, know that I understand and I will probably see you in Mexico soon.

Nacho Libre....

2006-07-05T11:51:00.000-05:00

Sucks

Revised Movie List

2006-05-24T15:34:00.000-05:00

If your movie didn't make it I either didn't see it or you have bad taste. If you all can think of any others, please add them. I would like to have a long long list.

A Beaufitful Mind
Almost Famous
American beauty
Austin Powers
Being John Malkovich
Big Fish
Boondock Saints
Braveheart
Brother Where Art Thou
Die Hard
Donnie Darko
Dr. Strangelove
Driving Miss Daisy
Edukators
Ernest goes to Camp
Ernest goes to Jail
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Fight Club
Forrest Gump
Gangs of New York
Garden State
Gladiator
Goodfellas
Half-Baked
High Fidelity
It’s a Wonderful Life
Kill Bill I and II
Lord of the Rings
Matrix
Office Space
One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Pi
Pink Floyd (Live in Pompei)
Pulp Fiction
Punch Drunk Love
Resevoir Dogs
Scarface
Sling Blade
Snatch
So I Married an Axe Murderer
Stop Making Sense (Talking Heads)
The Big Lebowski
The Fifth Element
The Game
The Godfather
The Jerk
The Princess Bride
The Shawshank Redemption
The Shining
The Usual Suspects
There’s Something about Mary
Wedding Crashers
Windy City Heat

Movies I like

2006-05-22T13:17:00.000-05:00

Here is alist of movies that I think are the shiznit. I might miss some but I will give it a try.

Almost Famous
Garden State
American Beauty
Punch Drunk love
Wedding Crashers
Driving Miss Daisy
Matrix of course
Stop Making Sense (Talking Heads)
Pink Foyd (Live in Pompei)
Ernest goes to Camp
Windy City Heat
Edukators

I am looking for some more good ones. If any has any ideas, let me know.

3000 visitors

2006-05-16T08:51:00.000-05:00

We are quickly approaching the 3000th visitor to Wisdom. I was reading my older posts and decided that my blog has really gone down hill. My older posts were a lot funnier and a little less mean. Post 3000 we are going to try and rectifyt his situation. I will take a little more time with my blogs. In order to bring some excitement, I am going to give a picture of myself to the 3000th visitor. The picture will be 2 x 3 feet and come with a button you push that makes me say a "hip" saying. Something like "Bleachblog.blogspot.com is the bloggiest!". I know some of you have never seen me so I am including the picture below in case you decide you would not like to win such a contest. Best of luck to all of you.

Derby Day...Part 3

2006-05-11T10:02:00.000-05:00

...Or as it is better known, the race that leaves your three kids homeless.

DISCLAIMER [ This is a three part blog, the first part begins HERE, It would serve you well to read it in order ]

The Derby race was an exciting one for us all. Between the four of us I believe we were set to win money as long as any of the horses, except the favorite, crossed the finish line. Of course, this did not happen, the favorite won the Derby. Which makes complete sense being that a 50-1 shot won the derby last year (wait a minute, I mean that doesn't make sense and fuck you.) We lost our asses. We did see some redneck piece of shit hit an $11,000 trifecta. We made this out between him yelling "Woo-Hoo's" and "Honey, I'm coming home". I also overheard him at one point in his celebration telling some guy he could "get him into the union!"

After the race we found our self intermingled with a crowed that was "Mardi Gras esque" at best and "The recent French riots" at worst. Everone was at least 16 and drunk out of their mind.

Thanks to the expert parking skills of fooie we were out of the parking lot in no time.

We made back to the House and were ready to PARTY!! How do we get down in Louisville after the Derby. 7 words! "Gangs of New York and White Castle"! Yeah, we spent the next two hours watching this movie and trying our best to talk using their dialect. At one point I believe I refered to Tim snikering someones doodle.

After this ordeal we all retired to our places of rest. We had fantastic dreams of money and power. The next day, Fooie and Pinger decided it would a good idea to try our luck at the boat. I was broke so I did not participate. But, I watched these two more than win back all of their money, they lost at the derby, in a feat so great it seemed like some sort of David Blaine magic show. Blackjack was the game, and kicking ass was their name (I mean reverse name and game and replace Blackjack with Craps, yeah thats it).

All said and done we had an exciting time. Mad props to my boy Moltar and his friends Ryan and Jessica for making the day even more exciting than Christmas.

NOVA

2006-05-10T08:12:00.000-05:00

Why is it that nowadays I only enjoying watching the stuff on TV that I hated watching in school. A prime example of this is NOVA or PBS in general. Last night I watched an entire episode on "heavy water". If I would have been made to watch this in school I would have been asleep in 5 minutes flat. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because everytime I hear about proposals to cut the budget I always hear some Republican schmuck suggesting to cut funding for PBS. This upsets me. If this ever happens it would be enough for me to revolt. The PBS militia. We would wear Charlie Rose masks and have megaphones that blare Tavis Smiley sayings. If you don't know who these people are then you are watching too much bullshit on TV.

Also, Comming soon. A Derby recap. This will be in three parts. The first part will be found on Pingers blog, the second on "Mindquirt" and the third on mine. We are all simply waiting for fooie to get his shit together. Everyone have a wonderful Wednesday.

Monday

2006-05-01T08:50:00.000-05:00

Being that it is Monday, I figured I would give you all something new to read. I for one hate coming back to work on Monday...It is nice to visit the blogs and kill a little time with new stuff.

Yesterday, me, fooie and his wife and baby drove up to Indianapolis for some house hunting and fellowshipin'. On the way home I was falling asleep and drooling all over myself until we started telling true ghost stories. Fooie's wife had a pretty good one that happened to a friend of hers and maybe she could get her friend to tell the story on my comments. I just thought I would share a weird story that happened to me.

I have never seen a ghost. I have never been possesed, left my body, slept in a graveyard or anything of the sort. I have however rocked it out on the Quija board a time or two in my life. Now, the test I always used to tell if someone else was moving the damn thing was..I would think of a number, I wouldn't say it aloud. I knew I wasnt moving the thing and the other person didn't know the number, so if it was selected....BOO Bitches. Anyway on to the story...

A girl I used to know and myself would get together every now and then and play with the Quija board. We seemed to have pretty good results when it was the two of us. I was confident that neither one of us was moving the thing. When we would just be talking amongst ourselves and still have our hands on the plastic piece, it would spell my name over and over again. B-R-A-D...B-R-A-D. It was kind of freaky at first, but I got used to it. Anyway, long story long..We eventually became to freaked out to mess with the Quija board and decided we would stop. About a month went by and I received a call from said girl at about 2:00 AM. Here is what she said. Feel free to read this part aloud to yourself in the voice of that crazy old midget lady from poltergeist:

"I just got home from a bar. Sorry to wake you up but I thought you would want to know about this. While I was gone my 13 year old brother and all his little friends went in my room and started playing with my Quija board. (Important to note that I have never met this girls family nor had I ever been to her parents house). As soon as I walked in my brother and his friends looked at me and said "Who's Brad? The Quija board keeps spelling his name over and over again."

I threw my Quija board away that day and then later bought another one. Anyone else have any ghost stories?

Survey

2006-04-25T08:24:00.000-05:00

Who thinks I should join the Peace Corps?

Weird

2006-04-17T13:12:00.000-05:00

Most people have seen this, but none the less, it is still cool

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the
ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
plae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh

Summertime

2006-04-11T15:06:00.000-05:00

Wouldn't that be a good title for a blog? I have decided that I just want to radomly write stuff here. When I finally build my house I want to have some of those trees that bloom in the winter. I thinka bunch of trees without leaves looks stupid. I have decided that I hate Florida. I qill never go there again as long as I live. Has anyone ever been to nantuckett? It pretty much sucks for guys as well unless you like to shop. What a shitty blog.

Twilight Zone

2006-04-06T12:43:00.000-05:00

I am house sitting for a friend of my moms in LaGrange KY. I have been there since last Friday, so i have made the drive back and fourth to Louisville about 10 times now. This morning, on my way to work something odd happened. I started out from the house and was heading for the expressway to Louisville. I turned out of their road and was riding down street "a" (see picture). I then turned onto street "B". It is normally a 10 minute drive from their to the expressway. After about 20 minutes I realized that something was amiss. I decided that I must have turned right instead of left onto street "B", so i turned around. I drove for about 15 minutes and realized I was nowhere near where I was supposed to be. I pulled over and asked for directions and they led me back to the expressway. On this diagram the red dot is where I asked for directions and the blue dot is where I started. I have no idea how I ended up where I did, but I have some theories.

Theory 1:

Aliens:

I believe I was abducted somwhere on street A. They obviously took me because I am in the top 5% of IQ's in LaGrange, KY. They then performed many tests on me and asked me how much I knew about horse farming. I told them I was just housesitting in this town and knew nothing of Horse Farming. They then took me back in time 20 minutes and set me down in the wrong place.

Theory 2:

Worm Hole. I believe that I entered a worm hole somehwere along street "A". This would make sense because I have seen a lot of worms on this road.

Theory 3:

I got lost. This is the most farfetched theory. borderline impossible.

Have a good day. By the way, the DEA interview is a go. I will keep you posted

DEA

2006-03-29T14:35:00.000-05:00

One of my dads best friends is a pretty high ranking official for the DEA. Currently, he is the head of the DEA in Chicago. Shortly, he is moving to Washington DC and will be the 3rd highest official for the DEA. I am going to attempt to have an interview with him about drug related topics. If anyone has any questions they would like me to ask let me know. I will post the interview on here. He has not agreed to this yet but I will keep you posted. I will only ask serious questions. If you want to know how time a half quarter will get you in nebraska your going to have to ask your mom.

My Weekend

2006-03-27T10:18:00.000-05:00

I had such a GREAT weekend that I decided to write a poem to adequatley express how I feel.

I ventured home Friday to quite a shock,
Turns out my landlord is a big fuckin cock.
He has decided that I need no lights,
And living in my house should be just like the night.
I called him to say what was the matter
He said "I'm on it", but it was only chatter.
No call back all weekend, so I'm moving out,
Frontkick to face and sidekick to mouth.

Trip

2006-03-21T10:39:00.001-05:00

I'm back. The thing is this. I would like to write a huge blog all about the trip but I quit smoking today. Therefore I would probably tell you why every place we went was a shithole when in fact it was not. I will list where all we went and put the pictures up and after that I am will find someone and punch them in the face.

Flew to Phoenix
Drove to Tuscon
Drove to Sierra Vista
Drove to Nogales (Mexico)
Drove to Grand Canyon
Drove by Hoover Damn on the way to Vegas
Drove to Zion Natl Park
Drove to Denver
Drove Home

Pictures: http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/bbtriple2004/album?.dir=/54c6

My Trip

2006-03-02T11:45:00.000-05:00

Next Thursday I am leaving for my trip. Here is how it will all go down.

Me and three friends are flying to Phoenix, AZ. We are then renting a car.

Drive to Tucson
Drive to San Diego
Drive to Las vegas
Drive to Zion Natl Park and possibly Grand Canyon
Drive to Denver
Drive Home

I think we are going to have a really good time, we will be camping the entire way. No hotel crap. If anyone knows anyone in these locations that will let us take a shower let me know. I will have a bunch of pictures to post when I get back. If I never come home I will miss all of you.

Brad

John Titor

2006-02-26T15:03:00.000-05:00

A few months ago I was listening to Coast to Coast on NPR. They were talking about a man named John Titor who was posting on a lot of forums in the year 2000. What made him exciting was that he claimed to be a time traveler from the year 2036. I have read up on him and I must admit the stuff is pretty interesting. He talks a lot of scientific stuff about time travel and his time machine. If you have some time to kill you should check it out. Something to do if nothing else. I was curious if those of you who read this blog who are more scientifically and spellingtifically than myself, could tell me if the stuff he says makes any sense. Happy reading. Here is the link to the best forum I found.

http://communities.anomalies.net/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=9;t=000226

Blog

2006-02-21T17:07:00.000-05:00

The next person to frequent my Blog will be the 2100th visitor! Ask yourself what this says about you. I sure as hell wouldn't want you teaching my fucking kids.

2006-02-17T11:12:00.000-05:00

I just got sick of seeing the ode to my friends everytime I looked at my blog. So I am posting this as a way to not feel like a girl everytime I log onto it. I might include a few motherfuckers just to get some manhood back. I have been putting off continuing the unexplained list because the next topic is GOD. Not sure best to explain this one so I might just skip it. So what to talk about? No ideas, so...I will try and think of a funny story real quick.

Not a funny story, just a rant...

This Cheney thing. I am neither Democrat or Republican but I would say I am more liberal than conservative. But, the democrats display regarding this whole Cheney shooting accident is making me fucking sick. IF I was Vice President and I just accidently shot my best friend in the face, I would call a press conference, and say "I just shot my best friend, I don't have to explain shit to any of you." I seriously heard the quote "Cheneys shoot first and ask questions second is symbolical of our approach in Iraq." Give me a break. At what point does this not get embarrassing for Democrats. One of the White house press women asked if shooting his friend has made him think harder of what the soldiers deal with in Iraq. Is this seriously the type of shit our country has come to. That this story can remain the top story in the news for even a day. I think we should all just quit watching any local or National News. I am anyway. The only downfall is that when it storms I might not remember to not immediately go out and grab downed powerlines. I think it is NPR and BBC for me from now on. And you might see my fat hairy ass streaking across the set of NBC Nightly News.

Ode to my Friends

2006-02-08T17:44:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to take a break from the Unexplained and drop a little ode to my friends. I know I don't stay in contact with everyone like I should but you all mean a lot to me. Cousins are absolutely included in this group. My group of friends and family are the brightest, common sense packing, good-hearted mess of people I have ever come across. I am not saying this in jest. I think that if we could all get a room somewhere and talk for a while we could save the world. I believe that one of the strongest bonds between two people is a sense of humor. It amazes me how intelligent you all are without taking yourself too seriously. If I was asked to select the smartest group of people I would pick you all. If I was then asked to pick the funniest group of people it would be the same group. I think this says a lot. Thank you all for making me laugh and challenging me. Dad and Mom you are most certainly included in this group but I would need a blog so long that nobody would read it to say what you two mean to me. I love you all.

Brad

Bigfoot

2006-02-02T12:25:00.001-05:00

Lets take these things one at a time shall we. First of all I must say that I usually believe in anything. Chubakabra, Abdomnimdabohl Snowmen, and things of the sort. But none the less I will try and state my reasons so you can disagree with them.

1) If you think it is odd that this thing has never been found I also consider it odd that no remains of any kind of "missing link" have been found.

2) If you think it is odd because this animal is supposed to be so big that it has not been found I point to the story of the 15 ft tall bear recently killed in Alaska. If you do a quick search you might be able to find this story. Bears were not believed to ever grow as large as this one. But this bear lived many years undetected in the wild. Until it ate 2 hikers and almost ate a park ranger.

3) My third reason for believeing in bigfoot is simple, I don't think that the vast majority of individuals who devote their a significant portion of their time searching are quacks. I have seen interviews with a lot of credible people who claim to have seen/heard or have seen evidence of bigfoot that they can not explain. I have seen a lot more credible people come forward for bigfoot than say "Creationism" which we can agree is not reality. Anyway, my time to type this is short so feel free to let the bigfoot/Brad bashing commence.

The results are in

2006-01-27T15:08:00.000-05:00

There will be another blog about this but I thought you might like to see where you stand in the grand scheme of things. I am inlcuded in this graph.

What Do you believe?

2006-01-24T12:14:00.000-05:00

Who beleives in the following or who doesn't:

1) Bigfoot
2) Loch Ness
3) God
4) Life outside our planet
5) Ghosts
6) Fried Bologna

I am going to blog about this but I want to get an idea of where people stand. I would answer yes to all of them. If you leave a comment on this blog, number it 1 - 6 and put YES/NO. You may then follow that up with any explanation you like. Here Kitty kitty kitty...

Poker

2006-01-15T16:51:00.000-05:00

I have decided I might like to become a professional poker player. I was recently out of commission due to a back injury and had a chance to watch a lot of poker on TV. I noticed that there is a deffinite skill to the game because the same players are always winning. I decided that if there was any skill at all to this I was going to learn. Since then I have read one book on the subject and I have one three tournaments since then. My gross winnings so far have been $165. I have also one a small tournament at a local bar. The prize for this win was a chance to play for a trip to Vegas. I have been playing Texas Hold em. I reccomend this game for anyone with time on their hands that is looking for a cheap but challenging hobby. It is inexpensive (most of the time free) and fun. I have a couple more books on the way and I hope to further my knowledge of the game. Maybe one day you will see me on TV.

Deja Vu

2006-01-11T15:36:00.000-05:00

I am going to divulge the truth about Deja Vu. There is a piece of the brain whos primary function is to communicate from the left hemisphere to the right and vice versa. Deja Vu occurs when this piece malfunctions and whatever you are experiencing reaches on side of the brain milliseconds before it reaches the other. The brain then thinks it has seen or experienced this before, which it has...milliseconds earlier. I cannot remember the name of this part of the brain.

My back is doing a lot better...thanks for everyones support. Peace

I am back

2006-01-10T14:15:00.000-05:00

new blog tomorrow

Poop Vomit puke yuck

2005-12-15T13:03:00.000-05:00

I really wanted my next blog entry to be the secret of Deja Vu, but something has happened. From the title of my blog you might guess that I am talking about Michael Mc Donald. Now there are only about three songs that I have to dance to..one of them being "Without Love" by the Doobie Brothers, but this Michael Mcdonald situation is out of control. This white haired motherfucker was really singing "deck the halls" on Jay Leno last night. If you missed the performance let me describe how you can have the same feeling of watching it. Close your eyes. Reach to your right hand side. Grab the first thing you get your hands on. If this is smaller than a bowling ball, put it back and grab something else. Now, shove this object straight up your ass sideways. After it is in your ass, attempt to puke it up and then eat it again. I swear this silly fool needs to be playing Santa in some shit town Pet store. It really was quite a traumatizing experience. I hope he has fun playing his songs for Satan in hell.

Deja Vu' is tomorrow.

Bleach

Deja Vu

2005-12-10T12:39:00.000-05:00

No I am not talking about the strip club! I am talking about the actual event. I just learned what causes this from my Anatomy and Physiology teacher. Here is the deal, I am willing to divluge this information if the following criteria are met:

1) You must tell me what your theory is without mentioning The Matrix.

2) For everyone that tells their theory, one of their friends must tell their own theory and mention your name.

3) Once this happens 7 successful times I will reveal the truth about this sexy topic.

4) You must care about this project, if your reading this you don't have anything better to do anyway....get to work!

5) I love you all....your my little bits of sunshine.

6) No...You do not already know what causes Deja Vu.

three things I need to tell you

2005-12-06T11:43:00.000-05:00

1) My friend Tim (Mindsquirt) had his baby. You should all go to his website to see pictures.

2) If everyone has a different meaning associated with a particular word, then ever sentence literally means something entirely different to everyone. For example "Mark went camping". When I read this sentence I have a composite of everyone named Mark I have ever known and a general idea about how I feel about camping. For someone who had a husband named Mark that beats her and used to get raped while camping at camp Piamingo this sentence would have to produce a negative reaction. My point is this, everything you read, no matter if it is a book such as the Davinci Code (That everyone and their mother has read) it is a unique experience unlike any other that anyone will ever have!

3) I have never known anyone named Shelly.

My Trip to Texas

2005-12-01T18:44:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, nothing like traveling to Texas for the Holidays. Down in good ole Texas I have a heap load of family. My Aunt Patty (curves) And uncle Bill (zzz) begat Tara (Texas Tara) and Jeff(Larry feathers). My aunt Karen (zoloft) and uncle Rex (Deer Guts) begat Chrissy (Nanny 911) and Kelly (kelly). The trip consisted of my Aunt Mary who is 81 and my Mom, who laughs like a wild turkey, and myself who has not begat anything that he knows of. We decided to do the drive down in two days. I really think this makes it easier because when you get there after doing the drive in one day you are out of commision for one day anyway. Throughout my brilliant telling of this trip I will reveal several "innapropriate mom moments". These are moments in which my mother says or does something that most would consider innapropriate. There is one coming up very shortley. The trip down was considered by me to be a "Hand to cheek" trip. A hand to cheek trip gets created by two factors...1) Staying in a hotel with your mom and 81 year old aunt and 2) Having Out of state gastro-intestinal problems. I had to resort to my hand being placed on my left ass cheek and pulling laterally so that my many outbursts did not make noise. Everyone reading this has done it.

It turns out that the hotel room my mom booked was not actually on the way, so by the time I got to the hotel we decided to stay in, we were all tired. My mom then says "Well, since we are only staying here for 4 hours the hotel clerk will probably think we are having a threesome." Wild turkey laughing insued. MOMENT #1 also was created. In the morning we ate breakfast at this horrible restaraunt that was too busy. At one point I answered the restaraunt phone because I was sick of hearing it ring. It was some guy that wanted room service. I told him good luck, he might want to try back in 20 minutes.

We arrived in Dallas at about 4:00 or so and spent the rest of the day hanging around my aunt Patty's house. They have a nice house with a pool table. My cousin Tara and Jeff showed up and we got to have a little bit of social time. Jeff let us all in on his newest business venture which I am POSITIVE will appear in a blog. Anyone here who knows me well, knows that I will make a special trip to Dallas just to bare ass face anyone who goes too long without blogging.

The rest of the trip was a lot of fun. I spent one morning at Larry feathers and another whole night with Tara and her husband Kevin. Kevin pretends he is a rocket scientist. It is hilarious. He goes and buys these pictures of airplanes and has people sign them like he had some part in their design. Anyway, we spent some time making sweet sweet music, I really think I grasped deeply what the song was about. It all hinged around some girl name Eliza that Kevin used to cheat on Tara with...Am I close? Anyway, it doesn't matter, my drum part will take most the attention away from the words. I rocked that song out!

The next night the entire family, begaters and begatees met in downtown Dallas. Trying to accomplish this was about like a color blind man doing a rubics cube with his ass. We eventually made it happen and had a really good meal downtown. After the meal, I was taken out by my cousin Chrissy and cousin Kelly. We went to Coyote Ugly and a dance club in Debellum. I was told that people get shot for no reason on a regular basis so an air of excitement was in the (I wanna say air, but I just used air, make up your own ending) You might try "wind". I drank about 5 beers and 324 drinks and danced with all sorts of black women. Actually just one but man could she move.

The next morning consisted of sleep in time and a trip to the all Mexican meat market. I feel like I got a glimpse of the future. My cousin Chrissy's husband is named Pete and has also been named a Mexican. He is fluent in their secret language and tells me about all their plots to come to our country and take all the jobs you and I would be doing. Joking aside, Pete is one of the nicest people I have ever met. Chrissy is real lucky to have met such a good guy. The rest of the day was spent back at my Aunt Patty's. We loaded the car with all our belogings and hit the road back home. I had a great time, Thanks to all the Aunts, Uncles and Cousins who made it so!

At one point early in the trip home I was getting ready to pass a semi. I had passed literally 100 of them on the way down and back up. I was about 50 feet away and my mom decided that we were about to smash into the back of the semi. She then screams and flails her arms in the direction of the wheel. "GET OVER BRAD". I then real calmly (because I am used to innapropriate actions such as these) look her dead in the eyes with contempt while we happily pass the semi without inncident. This is MOMENT #2. I am actually proud of my mom only having two moments. There might of been more because I wasn't around that much.

All in all it was a great trip. Thanksgiving dinner was great!

P.S. - My pops started a blog, if you all want to check it out... feel free. Link to the right.

You are all as unique as half a snowflake! Love and kisses.

Brad

Cursing

2005-11-19T12:25:00.000-05:00

I am going to curtail the cursing a little bit. I should go into a whole debate about the topic but it would have no real effect. I would simply suggest that anyone who cares about the subject to watch Penn and Tellers show "Bullshit" that covers the topic of cussing. The cussing was always meant to be a shock value thing. I am not saying that a cuss word will not appear here and there but I am going to try and cut it out for the most part. I am also going to try and start updating this at least once a week for all you loyal readers. If there are people who read this a bit and never leave comments I would ask that this once you leave a comment just to say hi. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, send me an email. I would like to get some sort of idea who visits this thing. My email is BBTriple2004@yahoo.com. I hope everyone has a good thanksgiving. I am going to Dalls to visit Family. Included in this bunch are Texas Tara and Larry Feathers. Before I leave Texas, larry Feathers will have written a new blog. Either that or he will be the victim of a bare ass to the face while sleeping prank. I love all of you like I love my kitties.

dot dot dot

2005-11-14T15:40:00.000-05:00

Man, Fuck this motherfucker..

Duck Duck Shoes

2005-11-10T09:45:00.000-05:00

First let me apologize for the long delay. Mentally, I feel as if I have been wallowing in my own piss, shit and feeces. On a positive note, My cousin Tara is having a baby and I think this is great news. Congratulations Tara. I feel that this news about the baby and my comment about piss, shit and feces brings this paragraph right back to neutral. So lets begin.

Duck Duck Shoes...

I was at my cousins about three or four weeks ago, beanblog is who I soeak of. We were standing out on the deck and it was just now beggining to feel like fall. The weather was getting a little colder and the leaves were changing. We started talking about the feeling of nostalgia that always seems to strike us this time a year. He made the comment that it might be because of the harvest home comming. For those not familiar with the Harvest home comming your missing a whole heapshitload of good times. This is similar to any state fair, except it goes on in the town of New Albany, IN. This means that it is about 1/100th the size of any state fair. We didn't talk about this very much, but I knew the exact feeling he was talking about. I thought that this sounded like as good an idea as any.

About a week later I was talking to my friend Matt about this and he brought it up. He said that he felt as if he had butterflies in his stomach all day because of the season change. After talking about it a little more, I concluded that we were all having the same feeling. This immediately disproved my cousins justification because Matt has no connection with the harvest homecomming. Matt said that his roomat had the same feeling and contributed it to the Holidays. Lotsa memories from this time of year and whatnot. I am still not convinced, so I was wondering. Do any of you feel this way, and if so what do you believe causes it.

When i decided to write a blog about this I called him and he said "Duck, Duck, Shoes." I said "Duck, Duck shoes, what are you talking about you silly motherfucker.

The end.

Duck Duck Shoes

2005-11-09T16:19:00.000-05:00

Duck Duck Shoes it is. Tomorrow it will be on here. Be prepared. Eat a special meal and get a good nights sleep.

Democracy

2005-11-01T16:15:00.000-05:00

Sorry it has been so long! I have several ideas in mind for my next post, and they are all better than anything you all could ever write, ever! I have decided to let you all vote on which story i should then tell you upon. Upon? what? Anyway, please be sure to vote for your aformentioned choice. Would this be a case where I used the word "aformentioned" correctly? Vote on that as well. So you see people, there are two votes here.

Will it be:

Eat the paint chips, suffer the consequences
Duck, Duck, Shoes
What happened to my pants
Summertime spent in a lazy susan
The time I woke up upside down and backwards
Livin it up

Please vote on which one you would like to read so I can get to work as soon as possible on making up some bullshit story. Do not forget to vote on the use of the aformentioned aformention. I still love each and every one of you all.

Opposites

2005-10-15T10:39:00.000-05:00

It has happened to everyone. Those moments when you start wondering why we are here and you concentrate so hard that you almost flip out. Those moments when we think about our existence (in the grandest sense of the word) and almost begin to cry we become so frightened. Some people become obsessed with this. I know I have been at times. I have read almost any book I could get my hands on that I thought would provide some insight into why we are here. Some people devote their entire life to this search, such as monks and saints. Some people it only dawns on every now and again and some people flat do not care. I am speaking here of the hopelessness of not knowing. The panic feeling that overcomes you when you concentrate on this subject too deeply. It is ok. And here is why....

I went to see laser Pink Floyd at the University of Louisville Friday night. Floyd happenes to be my favorite band of all time so it had a profound impact on me. This wasn't just some cheesy light show. It was done with a sense of what the group was trying to accomplish with their album. Somewhere in the middle of the light show I had the intense feeling of well being. I knew that there is something going on in this life bigger than we can fathom and that my search for the truth is not in vain. The thing is, I know that I would not have appreciated this feeling without the many times I have felt hopelessness as described above. It truly takes experiencing the opposite of something to fully appreciate it.

I also believe that it is human nature to take things for granted. At one point in my life I could not walk for three months but rarely do I think about how much I appreciate walking. I think that people adapt to their current conditions. This is why the revelation of "Everything has a purpose" cannot be held for more than a second. It must be let go or it is not fully appreciated. Likewise, the opposite (hopelessness) must still be experienced to allow us to fully appreciate meaningfullness. Not only must it be experienced, but it must be experienced without the idea of everything being ok in the picture at all.

However, if you simply hold onto these moments when you know everything is ok, Such as, the eyes of your soul mate, the sunset, your child, or the laser pink floyd show maybe the feeling of hopelessness will fade more quickly next time. We are here for some purpose and if you think we are not, thank you for representing the opposite, so I don't have too.

Sex

2005-10-08T11:13:00.000-05:00

At what age should we teach children about sex? I am just curious to see what peoples thoughts are on this. Also, once you have stated your opinion, described how it was A) viewed in your household and B) how you learned about it.

My Answer: I do not think kids should ever be hidden or sheltered from sex. The ideas that it is disgusting or wrong are plain wrong themselves. I think if we did away with hiding sex, being ashamed of having sex and talking about sex, sexual crimes would decrease. There would be less rape, less sexually transmitted disease and such. Children should not be taught bogus names for their body parts. Nobody calls a kids arms their wiggle sticks or doodle dads. If you teach a kid early what all the parts are, how they work, why they work and that it is ok and better yet fun, you will have a more sexually secure adult.

Sex was never really talked about in my household. I am sure I received the typical talk after I had learned everything from magazines and HBO.

Basically I am just shooting here for an answer to the original question of what age you feel kids should learn about sex. Everyone who comments here is intelligent and I am curious what you will be doing with your children.

See where this goes...

2005-09-30T11:43:00.000-05:00

I am sure a lot of you will be able to relate to this. Yesterday, I was sitting around watching TV and found myself wondering who in the world has the largest collection of "Do Not Disturb" Signs. How could I find out this information? So I logically grabbed my bible and began looking in there for the answer. Not in there. I grabbed "Don't sweat the small stuff". Not in there. I then grabbed the greatest book of all time.....The Guiness Book of World Records!!! This book is priceless. If we ever find out that a meteor is heading towards earth and will destory us all, lets make sure to stick this priceless masterpiece in a time capsule in between a package of starburst (tropical flavors) and a picture of George W. Bush.

When they dig up this time capsule, what will they learn about our time period on earth? How we spent our time making sure all the basic needs of everyone on earth were met. Or that Jean Francois Vernetti has collected 2,915 "Do Not Disturb" signs from over 131 different countries.

Will they read about how we set records in pooling our resources so 25% of the population are not consuming 75% of the worlds resources? No. They will learn which chimpanzee received the most votes in a political election. It happened to be in the 1988 mayoral election in Rio de Janerio, Brazil. The chimpanzee came in third place of twelve canidates and received just over 400,000 votes.

Will they learn about our vast efforts to stop the AIDS epidimic from destorying an entire continent or that in Amman, Jordan they decided to build the worlds largest box of facial tissues. 8 x 4 x 2 ft and as a special surprise, actually contained giant sized tissues. In case a fucking giant ever needed to blow his motherfucking nose.

And by the way, please god tell who holds the record titled "Fastest Sheep to Sweater". Please oh almighty God and Jesus divulge to me the fastest time a sheep's fleece has ever been made into a sweater. Whats that lord...1 hr and 55 minutes? Thanks God. I mean Guiness book of world not wasting its motherfucking energy and time.

I write this understanding that I attempt to teach that which I have to learn. I am trying to make myself take what I consider to be the highest priorities on this planet as seriously as I can. When will we stop having eating competitions and feed everyone? When will we stop trying to build the largest building and make sure everyone has shelter from the elements? When will we stop getting fat, sucking it out, making our tits huge and instead make sure everyone has basic medical care?

When will we not give a fuck that Birgit Ulrich is the Fastest Wife Carrying Champion (771 ft in 55.5 seconds). He won liters of beer quivilant to his wives weight.

I am not doing my part in all this. I will try.

SkyDive Pictures

2005-09-27T16:52:00.000-05:00

Have a look see...

http://photos.yahoo.com/bbtriple2004

Money Talks and Bullshit Skydives

2005-09-26T16:05:00.000-05:00

Team Bullshit (Kyle, Brad, Steve, Matt)

Team bullshit has succesfully completed another adventure. The weather looked bad but we made our way to Greensburg Indiana anyway. We arrived at about 12:30 greensburg time. As soon as we pulled up I had to immediately use the port o pot in anticipation of the jump. A man came up and said "Are you all here to jump?" We of course said yes. and he says "Well hurry, up, we don't have much time". It is good to know that we are going to jump out of a plane in a hurry. The weather was not looking good. We watched an instructional video about skydiving and initialed 37 paragraphs about whose fault it was not if we died. We then stepped out into the hanger and got our harnesses on. My harness was put on by an older man. I was happy about this because I figured that the older the man, the more skydiving experience. After two of us had our harnesses on, the older man started pairing us up with tandem jumpers. My tandem partner ask me who put my harness on. I told him "the old man" and he said "Well then we need to re-do everything, that guy is just the owner."

"I already told you! I am not jumping in this weather!" This was the response from the first guy the older man asked to go up with us. Very encouraging! Since this guy would not jump, they only had three people who were willing to go tandem with us. Since there were four of us, it meant we had to go in two different shifts. In skydiving, this is called a "hot load". Your tandem partner is responsible for explaing to you all the aspects of jumping and landing. My tandem partner was in the air with my buddy steve. When he landed the first time, a golf cart was waiting for him on the field. He drove over to me and said "come on lets go get in the plane." He says this as he is strapping on his next chute. I say "You are aware that I haven't had any insturction yet?" He says "We will talk about it on the way up."

(Kyle being led in prayer by his tandem partner)

Have a look at this guy close up and tell me if you would do anything let alone skydive with him.

On the way up he gives me a five minute lesson on skydiving. Here is my situation now. I am at the maximum weight limit. I am jumping in weather conditions that have grounded one of the jumpers that works at this place. I am receiving my instructions on jumping in the plane on the way up. But, I am loving every minute of it. I figure that if I am willing to jump out of a plane, I am willing to do it under questionable circumstances.

At about 8,000 feet my tandem partner turns to the other tandem guy and says "do you care if I open the door now?" Keep in mind that I am not hooked to this guy yet, and I do not have a parachute on. I am at 8,000 in the air and 8 ft from and open fucking airplane door. He then says "Alright, stand up and come over here". At this point I realize this is all really happening. The guy hooks me to himself and asks "Do you care if we do a backflip out of the door?" With everything else that was going on I didn't see how we could not do a backflip out of the door, so I said "SURE!". At this point we procede to the plane door. I am hanging off of this guy dangling in the air looking at some corn field 8,000 feet down. The other tandem guy asked my friend if I was going to be ok. I think I went a little pale.

We Jump. Holy Shit! Unexplainable to anyone unless you have done it. I almost threw up. I am rushing at 120 mph straight for the ground. I feel like I am being shot with an automatic BB gun because of the rain. The free fall was overall pretty violent. Mostly because of the rain. You free fall for about 45 seconds and the chute is pulled. It is not a very violent pull as I thought it would be. The rest of the jump is pretty graceful. You are hanging from a rope 2,000 feet in the air. It was nice. Overall, it was a great experience and I will do it again. I really want to do it on a nice day when it is not raining. I recommend it to anyone.

Team bullshit would like to extend a personal thanks to Dee for taking some really impressive pictures. You are welcome to be a bullshit photographer on any adventure.

I will put the rest of the pictures on here in the next couple days. Peace.

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